


ln the Beginning

by shadow_writer



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Fade Dreams, In the Fade, Other, Waking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-04 18:25:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16351823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow_writer/pseuds/shadow_writer
Summary: Young Rowan meets some new friends in her dream and calls the place she travels to during sleep the here, could it be anything more?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is about the Inquisitor's life before the conclave and before she was put in the circle for being a mage. The journey for Rowan and how she became the person she is.

“I see you've come again, why?” a voice from behind the child made her jump.

Whirling around “I... I...don't know, I'm just here... I don't remember meeting you before.” she nervously stammered out as she watch the blurry figure in front of her.

“No, no we have not met before but I have watched you as you come and go.” His voice was soft and almost soothing yet somehow his word seemed foreign but understandable to her ears

“Are there more of you?” The small girl looked around cautiously but not afraid as on her previous times here she had met no one. 

“Yes.” he said sadly “And be mindful they are not all” he paused looking for searching for a word as to not frighten the child “nice.” 

These word made her uncomfortable and she started ringing her hands for something to do not wholly afraid “I.... well... are you nice?” She wasn't sure if she wanted an answer 

He stepped closer to her coming more into focus but still fuzzy his dark hair was a mess and he wore light leather armor with intricate engravings, his face seemed old yet young at the same time and his amber eyes shown brightly as he stared at her quizzically, looming over her she was reminded of her father and how he towered over her and his imposing nature when he was annoyed with her, she guessed they were about the same height. His long silence making her squirm and thoughts of how to get out here began to run through her mind, where ever here was.

“I don't know.” He finally answered “What is your name?”

“Rowan, sir what is your name?” The answer was more automatic as per her teachings, she did not like his answer though.

“I haven't a name.” 

“How is that possible everyone has a name.” she bit her lip knowing that such a reply was rude, oh her mother would be cross with her if she knew of her ill mannered display

“How did you get your name then, Rowan?” he asked

“Uh....my parents gave it to me. Haven't you any parents?” Again rude asking such a personal question but it was already out she looked at her bare feet.

“No.” His tone suggested he was not annoyed with her as she thought he would be. Tilting his head questioningly “How do you get..... parents?”

Rowin's head snapped up what did he mean 'How do you get parents?' that's silly but instead she said “You're born to them of course.”

“I see... I don't have a name nor parents, does that matter.”

“Well what do I call you?” Rowan questioned 

“What do you wish to call me?”

“I can pick?” 

Rowan's eyes were wide with excitement she never got to pick names for any of the family animals, not that he was an animal, but non the less getting to name someone was a big deal something to take seriously otherwise they end up with a stupid name like their neighbor Cruncel who names there kid that? She launched into a serious of questions. What did he like, his favorite color, favorite animal, if he like pudding all the questions that were important of course. 

She learned that his favorite color was green, had never had pudding and the animal he described sounded a lot like a nug, he liked to learn and enjoyed philosophy. Rowan sat down tucking her thin legs under her, furrowed her brows in concentration and wrinkled her nose. The man stood patiently by regarding her with interest; he'd seen her like before but they always seemed frightened and skittish as if ready to bolt at anything, Rowan on the other hand was inquisitive and thoughtful and that is what drew him out to speak with anyone of her kind for the first time.

“I got it! Atamai it means knowledge... I think.” She said at last smiling triumphantly 

“Atamai” He said mulling over the name then nodded “Atamai it is then.”

In the weeks to come she would venture here in her dreams sometimes Atamai would be here other times it was someone else like the lovely lady that would tell her tales of love and some times heart break, her beautiful purple hair reminded her of a the flowers on the wisteria tree and so Rowan named her Wisteria. Other times she was alone it was when someone scary was there Rowan would hide in the place Atamai said she would be safe until she awoke on those nights she would wake up and her blanket would have frost on them or be overly hot 

The here as Rowan had taken to calling it was a place of wonder for her even though it was hazy like when she looked through her Grandmother's eye glass, the hills would roll for what seemed like forever the trees were constantly changing sometimes it seem like they would change to how she felt other times they just were, every so often she would stumble upon a set of spikey stones with bright blue linings that shown from an unseen light Atamai had told her not to touch those they weren't for her and so she left those stones alone and always in the distant she could see what looked like a row of black chairs.

“Atamai what are they?” She had once asked pointing her finger in their direction.

“They are the ancient ones that may one day return from their slumbering prisons.” Was the only reply she received.

Rowan kept her place a secret it was nice to have a place all her own where her mother or siblings could not bother her, more of mother and often times her sister Jessique as well, even if it was only in her dream and not all the time it was Rowan's and she did not want to share. During the day her boring lessons would take up her mornings and in the afternoons she would go to the yard and train with her older brother Ambriel and her cousin Brazen. Her uncle and father would indulge her in that aspect as her mother frowned upon her learning the sword 'It's not proper for a lady' she'd say.

Mother would say that she would start seminary classes in preparation for her studies as a Chantry sister like some female cousins, her younger brother Edmond would go on to train to be a Templar like her older mostly male cousins. Father on the other hand would scuff stating they needn't go into the Chantry service unless they wanted too, they had money enough that they could have a decent living outside the services and their inheritance was secure. Yet mother insisted and so Rowan in turn insisted if she had to she wanted to become a Templar like Great Uncle Chadwick which irritated her mother and amused her father as her Great Uncle was outlandish and irksome to her mother, Rowan also believed that that his collection of books from his time guarding the circle scared her as mother would constantly say to Ambriel and Jessique that they were cursed and to stay away from there whenever they would visit. 

Ambriel, Brazen, Rowan and Edmond liked looking at the pictures and diagrams in those books as their Great Uncle would tell them stories of the mages turned bad and why mages in general had to be locked up, he was so animated and fun as he flailed his arms about in mock fight against an abomination or a blood mage. Her favorites were his tales of tracking the mages and coming back with his prize unless the prize was no longer living in which case she was sad about the poor mage, the stories about the tranquil made her apprehensive as her Uncle often said that's how mages ended up anyway. His description of a tranquil made her skin crawl.


	2. To market

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Trevelyan's go to the market how many more moment with her family will Rowan have left?

Rowan woke up earlier than her usual time excited to go to market with their mother today, her 7th birthday was only two weeks away and mother had promised she could pick out her decorations since all of her food choices had been nixed she'd been upset stating 'Who doesn't want a variety of puddings!' and she could get that necklace for her Mother she had been saving up for. Also spring had come early this year so that meant that the shaved ice stall in front of the bakery would most likely be open maybe mother would let her have a pastry as well. Rowan paused maybe she should get extra for Jessique she hardly got to eat sweets mother hardly let her have anything tasty but then thinking 'well only if she's nice today.' you could never tell what mood Jessique would be in.

Dressing quickly she went to her desk and wrote the lessons that Atamai had told her as she remembered them, Atamai made history fun and helped her with any other lessons she had problems with during her schooling hours. Atamai and Wisteria had started to help with her lessons; Atamai would tackle history, math and science, Wisteria would help her with reading, writing and etiquette though the history professor would get angry because he'd say that her history answers were wrong more often than not and if she argued back his face would get beat red which made her giggle at first until she got a quick knock on the head with his pointing stick. 

'The here' now had more people or animals most of them were nice but there were some that crept her out others were simply curious, a new friend she had made was a soldier she called Val as he'd always say 'I am valor, what more names do you need.' when Rowan asked for his name, he showed up seemingly out of nowhere as she was recanting the days training with her brother and cousin and how her Uncle kept docking her points for poor handling of the sword while Ambriel and Brazen snickered, since then Val would instruct her on foot work and handling of the sword though he was rude in his remarks and corrections, when Val was around many in the here would keep a fair distant.

But her Father and Uncle noted her improvement; Edmond had also been given a practice sword his size and he would swing it around wildly knocking the knees of the help as he ran about, he refused to be left behind as the older kids got to play.  
~-~

Some nights Edmond would crawl into bed with Rowan because he was scared which annoyed her and after a couple of minutes trying to convince him to return to his own bed and failing she would light a candle and read him a book till they both fell asleep on her bed, being three years her younger Edmond had taken to following Rowan about as she was usually the one that would indulge him the most by playing with him it was her instance after all that had gotten Edmond his practice sword which she quickly regretting after he had given her a few goose eggs by sneaking up behind her and whacking her on the head with the sword

Ambriel was Rowan's older brother by two and a half years and he made sure she never forgot it, he was more serious always lecturing her about what she got up too or why she should not sneak treats like pudding all though in the end he'd end up sharing the pudding out in the gardens. He would also be the one to dry her tears when Jessique was being mean, lecturing her older sister as well about her treatment of Rowan or when their Mother yelled at her which seemed often, Ambriel would often parrot his mother about how he needed to be more responsible as he was destined to be head of house after father was gone which made it sound like that would happen awfully soon. The notion was also reinforced by their Father though more subdued than his wife's version.

Jessique was Rowan's older sister by just over a year and was the apple of their Mother's eye no wrong could she do and Rowan felt it keenly as she was often be the target of Jessique's foul moods and her Mother would brush it off, at the same time Jessique would also stem their Mother's anger toward Rowan. Jessique would get their Mother to buy her things that Rowan wanted but was denied and after a week or so would give it to Rowan saying she was done with them, and Rowan would sneak treats to Jessique that Mother would not let her eat because they would 'ruin her pretty figure.' the two would get on better when their Mother was away for a few days.

Brazen was Rowan's cousin and older than her by two years him and Ambriel were almost inseparable, Brazen was mischievous coming up with insane ideas to get them in trouble and Ambrel was coming up with ideas to get them out of trouble, and up until this year him and Rowan disliked each other fighting at every turn; Ambriel was always breaking them up. His Father had remarried recently to a woman he'd only known four months saying that Brazen needed a mother after the death of his wife nearly three years ago but she mistreated Brazen, a few months ago while visiting their Uncles estate in preparation for the winter hunt Rowan had stumble up them in the garden his step-mother Malory was berating him, at first Rowan had thought it grand until Malory had struck Brazen across the face sending him sprawling with out thinking she ran up putting herself between Brazen and Malory yelling at her.

“leave him alone!” she had screamed her arm spread to in an attempt to protect her cousin

“Shut up you brat or you'll get it too!” Malory spat out.

“Go ahead I'll tell.” 

Malory had laughed “You think your Uncle will believe you?” she said with a sneer batting her eyes her voice mocking

“No but my Father will and he'll tell my Uncle and my Uncle believes his brother.” Rowan had crossed her arms in front of her and batted her eyes copying Malory's attempt to look innocent.

Malory stood there opening and closing her mouth like a stupid fish attempting to find words in the end she stomped away. Rowan had turned to Brazen and offered her hand to help him up as he had remained on the floor the whole time staring up at his cousin, but instead of taking her hand he slapped it away.

“I don't need your help.” Brazen had cried

He'd run away leaving Rowan thinking maybe she should've let him to Malory. Rowan had told her Father about what had happen and she guessed that he had words with her Uncle as Malory was now cold and polite to the both of them. But after that Brazen and her became friends and together they would find ways to pull Ambriel out of his shell and have fun with them.

~-~

The door to her room swung open and Rowan quickly shut her note book and turned around to see Odelina the nurse maid bustling in. 

“Oh Rowan you're awake already and dressed.” Odelina said with raised eyebrows usually she had to drag Rowan out of bed.

She brought in with her a pitcher and basin for Rowan to wash her face and hands and a towel for drying. 

“Come now wash your face and hands, clean your mouth hurry so I can brush that nest you have on your head.” commanded the nurse maid.

Rowan washed her face and cleaned her teeth drying up and trying to smooth out her curls so that Odelina didn't have t brush her hair.

“Oh come now Rowan you need a good brushing. Come now sit.” Odelina pointed to the chair.

“Odelina I don't need my hair brushed its fine. Looks worse after it's brushed anyways.” Whined Rowan

“I'll braid your hair child come come sit down, if I don't comb that mane of yours your Mother will.” 

It was really more of a threat and Rowan sat down Odelina began brushing her black curls humming as she did while Rowan winced at every knot tugged, after Odelina was done brushing she began braiding making sure to add the blue ribbon the child liked. Rowan liked Odelina she was always in a happy mood and nice to all of them even Jessique when she was being irksom.

“Now Rowan put on your shoes and go down to breakfast I must help your siblings as well.” she instructed then busied herself with making the bed. 

Rowan ran out of the room and down the hall almost running into Ambriel.

“Whoa watch it.” he warned 

“Sorry I wanted to get some raspberry pudding before Rayla notices I'm up.” she grinned up at her older brother.

“Rowan.” he warned again.

“Oh come on you know you want some.” Rowan teased.

“Lets go down to the breakfast table and actually eat something.” Ambriel suggested instead.

“You're no fun.” She said wrinkling her nose.

At the dinning hall the long table had already been set with bone china and silverware that shone brightly with sun light that poured through the grand windows the heavy curtains had been pulled back, the serving staff was already bringing out the prepared food on serving plates, Ambriel took his seat and Rowan took that opportunity to try and sneak into the kitchen but she turned around she bumped right into Rayla.

Looking up at the head housemaid who's brown hair was wrapped in a tight bun gray hairs beginning to show she was a plump woman and very strict with the house staff she often times wore a scowl and this morning was no different putting hands on her hips she looked down at Rowan

“Oh no you don't young miss you'll get pudding for desert after dinner tonight and not any sooner your mother has made that clear already.” Said Rayla pulling the chair out for Rowan to sit in.

Sighing Rowan hopped into her chair next to Ambriel their food being plated as Mother came in with Jessique behind her and Odelina with a sleepy Edmond on her hip followed. Placing Emond beside Rowan and Odelina sat on his other side to make sure he would eat, Jessique sat beside her mother and they too were served, last to enter the hall was their Father who took his place at the head of the table with his wife Desdemona on his left and Ambriel to his right, soon they were all served food and began to eat all the while mother corrected each of their table etiquette.

“Ro don't slouch, Edmond don't....huh Odelina make sure he doesn't use his hands. Jess you're using the wrong fork...” She continued on until a messenger was brought into the hall

“Bann Trevelyan, a messenger has come from the Albrecht estate” The old butler announced as all eyes turned to the man behind him.

Edwin Trevelyan swallowed his food whipped his mouth with the napkin and setting it by his plate he motioned for the messenger to come forward. 

“Speak Ser what is the message of Lord Albrecht?”

“Bann Trevelyan, Lord Albrecht has taken ill and has asked to postpone today's meeting to a later time which is convenient to your lordship.” he said the last gesturing Edwin.

Bann Edwin stood up then motioning for the messenger to follow “Come to my study so that I may look at my schedule.” 

The messenger nodded and followed him out of the dinning hall. Ambriel, Jessique and Rowan exchanged excited looks knowing if father was free he would accompany them to market.

“Rowan that's enough biscuits eat some fruit.” Mother continued on with her fussing over the childrens manners.

Soon their Father returned and announce “Well it would seem I have the day free shall I accompany my family to the market this day?” he said grinning.

“Yes!” all the children responded with wide smiles

Edwin chuckled looking at his wife, she only smiled and inclined her head.

~

The carriage ride was uneventful she rode with her mother and sister while her brothers got to ride with their father. The market was full of interesting things, exciting smells and plenty of people also a lot of chatter, children running about beggars and thieves. For trips to the market Father always made sure they had body guards for protection and Mother made sure they had servants to carry things.

The First stop was the fabric store for table cloths, ribbons and ties for the party as well as cloth for new dresses and suits. Rowan bounded to the ribbons picking up a sapphire blue one and holding it up to her mother.

“Oh Mother what about this with silver ties? That would look grand.” Rowan chirped 

Her mother looked at her instead picking up a lilac colored ribbon “This one would be much better, with some white ties it would be graceful.” 

Rowan's face fell “But you promised!” she protested stomping her little foot. “I like blue.” she continued.

“Enough Rowan, lilac is a much better color your sister had magenta and gold it look very beautfuly.” Desdemona insisted.

“It's not her birthday, she already had hers its mine.” Whined Rowan.

“Oh stop being such a brat.” Jessique intersected 

Edwin Trevelyan walked up at that moment “What are my girls squabbling about?” he said addressing his daughters.

Rowan stuck her tongue out at Jessique from beside her Father and Jessique rolled her eyes, Rowan had purposefully not chosen the black ties knowing that was a sure way for Mother to dismiss any of her choices and Mother liked the silver look so in picking that Rowan had hoped to at least get something she like.

“Father I want the blue ribbons and silver ties for the decorations, but Mother said I had to get the lilac ones.” Rowan whined to her Father.

“Husband the blue is to dark and will clash with the silver, what will people think? The lilac will look much better and more graceful for a little girls birthday party.” Desdemona knew her husband would side with her in the end so it was more of an explanation directed to Rowan than her husband really.

“hmm you know Rowan your mother has good tastes she wants people to like being at your party.” He smiled down at his daughter.

Desdemona smiled nodding at her daughter, Rowan bit her lower lip and looked down at her shoes nodding of course she wouldn't get anything she thought to herself she was really just there so that Mother can say she was involved.

“So..” her father continued “Blue ribbons, with lilac ties, it will look like the beautiful morning right before day breaks.”

Rowan's head snapped up but bit her lip again this time to hide her smile instead of her disappointment.

“Husband....” Began her Mother, just then a clerk came over.

“May I help you find anything?” the girl said.

And before Desdemona could say anything Edwin replied “Yes We would like blue ribbons with purple ties, as well as blue table cloths and purple table runs.”

“Dear...” Desdemona said through clenched teeth. “It's lilac not purple and.....” but she was interrupted before she could say anything else.

“Right then..” he said sheepishly “lilac ties and table runs as well. My maid servant has the numbers and my man here will pay for everything.” With that he ushered his wife a daughters before any other word could be uttered.

Outside they met with Odelina and the boys who were at one of the stalls looking at tops and other little bobbles, one look at her mistress and Odelina knew that taking the children off for a bit would be best so she suggested.

“The bakery is open the children look hungry might they have a snack.”

“Of course of course.” Agreed Edwin. “Here.” Handing each child some coin and Odelina as well.

Quickly the children were off followed by their nurse maid leaving their Mother who was still stunned from what happened in the fabric store to say anything to the contrary. Rowan knew that Father would get and earful for that later but for now her mind was on the bakery and promised goods.

As luck would have it the shaved ice stall was indeed open and the dwarf behind the table took the orders while another dwarf used what look like a wood shaver and a cheese grater combined on a block of ice and the first dwarf scoped up the ice shavings and put them on half and orange than put fruit syrup one it before handing them out. They then wondered inside to pick a treat to eat even Jessique was grinning as mother had not said she could not get anything, after paying they wondered outside roaming and looking at the stalls or street performers as they ate the flavored ice shavings, a small elf child came up to a group as they observed the preformers and asked for any spare coin a fat man yelled and would of kicked the child had he not been faster the man shook his fist and yelled “Stupid knife ear!”

Rowan stared at him wide eyed the man then turned “What are you looking at you stupid brat.”

Rowan backed away and grabbed Odelina's skirt as did Emond and Jessique, Ambriel on the other hand stood in front of them defiantly.

“Oh look another knife ear watching some bratty welps.” the man sneers a weird gleam in his eyes.

Just then one of Edwin guard's stepped forward his hand on the hilt of his sword “Problem ser?” he said forcefully.

The man looking at the guards' sword waved his hand walking away “bah whatever....” 

“Well what a rude man.” Odelina said “Come now lets go to the jewelers, Rowan wanted to get something for your mother.” This made Rowan come out from behind her skirts and perk up while Jessique look at her sister with annoyance. But it served the purpose to distract the children.

The walked a ways Ambriel asking Rowan what she was going to get, and Jessique seem to upset while Edmond ran in circles around them as Odelina tried to catch his hand to keep him from running off, they found their Father near the jewelers, after inquiring about their Mother and finding out she had gone to get the favors for the guest and check on the food orders which pleased Rowan cause now she could surprise her mother with the necklace. Once inside Rowan ran over the display where the necklace had been but it was gone, she moved to the next one then the next frowning until the clerk behind the counter asked if he might help. 

“There was a necklace her a with rubies on a gold chain and little butterflies on it, I'd like to buy it.” Rowan told the man.

“Oh I'm sorry miss that one was sold just this morning.” he informed her.

Edwin come up behind Rowan and placed a hand on her shoulder. “What is it sweetheart?”

“The necklace I was going to get Mother is gone.” she answered

“Maybe we can find another one?” Her father encouraged to which Rowan nodded.

“Well young miss we have some nice ruby necklaces over here.” the clerk said ushering them to a display case.

Rowan looked at all of them and found nothing she or that her mother might like. And her siblings were getting impatient. 

“Rowan maybe we can come back some other time to see if they have something new.” Suggested her Father.

“Yeah ok.” Rown slumped her little shoulders.

Turned around for the door a glint caught her eye she walked over to a different display, and there was a necklace a pendant of ivy leaves faceted with a ruby in the middle in the shape of a heart and a small diamond on each side. The precious metal shown brightly, it wasn't gold but mother would love it she just knew it.

“Father! This one she'll love this one!” Rowan squealed pointing her small finger at it.

The Jeweler and her Father walked over and looked down at it, Odelina and the children gathered around to see what had her so excited and they all agreed it was beautiful.

“That is a great find miss.” Said the jeweler.

“Indeed that not silver is it ser” Asked her father.

“No ser, it is platinum.”

It was double what Rowan had saved “Come on lets go.” she said defeated.

“I can cover the rest Rowan.” Her Father volunteered

“No thank you Father, I'll just get something else.” Was her reply and she wondered to the first case the Jeweler had shown them.

Confused Edwin looked at Odelina who leaned and said “She's been saving her allowance for months as well as asking her grandmother and uncle for things to do for money as well to get her mother that necklace, and asking every servant that came to market to check on that the necklace was still here.”

“I see, thank you for informing me Odelina.” Edwin had not been aware, he knew that she'd taking to 'helping' his brother and mother but was not aware as to the reason, he walked over to stand beside her.

“You know Rowan, I need some help dusting my office and sorting some papers and books but everyone seems to busy I'm thinking about hiring someone for that job it pays really well, you wouldn't happen to know of anyone would you.” 

Rowan looked wide eyed at her Father boy did she “Oh I can do it Father!” she nearly screamed

Edwin chuckled “well then that pay should be just enough to pay for the rest of that necklace, but you must complete your promise. Deal?” he said putting his hand out for Rowan to shake.

“Yes, I promise.” she shook her fathers hand excitedly.

The necklace was put in a small wooden box and tied with a red bow and so with that they left the store.

No more excitement happened after that and they gathered at the carriages loaded all the goods and were off for home. They arrived and dinner was served but the children were too exhausted to eat much and were soon sent to bed.

Rowan was sitting on her bed when Odelina came in to check on her. “Oh child I thought you would be asleep already come now get under the covers.”

“Odelina why do people call elves 'knife ear'?” Rowan asked 

Odelina winced “Well they say to insult us.” she explained sadly.

“But knives are sharp and are made for cutting..... aren't they calling you smart and dangerous then?” Rowan chewed on her cheek looking at her beloved nurse maid.

“Ha now child that one I never heard but you make a good point. Come now get on in.” She commented side stepping the question, but Rowan did as she was told and was soon asleep.

Odelina looked at Rowan sadly kissing her forehead for she knew that soon Rowan would be torn from this life and thrust into a cage to be ever under the watchful eyes of the templars, but until then she would mend the quilts and wake her if she was into frightful a sleep so that she can spend just a moments longer with her family.


	3. An unlucky Number

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rowan gets her first glimpse of a mage during Church services leaving her with many questions.

The here was empty this time Rowan wondered around at first then sat down and stared at the black seats in the distance, finally decided to go have a look at them she stood up and began walking; but it seems that the more she walked the farther they got she didn't understand it she knew she was walking toward it. Sitting again to think she was startled by a deep voice.

“So you're the one I've heard about..... Oh did I scare you?” He walked forward “I apologize little one.” he chuckled. 

Rowan shivered at the sound of his voice “Are you trying to get there?” He pointed in the direction she had been going. 

Rowan nodded “They seem so far away.”

“Oh they are, you will never get there, those seats belong to the ancient ones. Why the curiosity?” His smooth voice seemed to echo in the emptiness.

“Just wanted to see them closer.” Rowan shruged “Who are the ancient ones?” she ventured to ask.

Finally Rowan looked fully at the person speaking to her, he had dark piercing eyes, brown hair, he had a sharp jaw and chin his face was friendly he was slender and wore a robe. His presence made her uncomfortable and made her wish that Val was there. The stranger was regarding her just as closely as she was him.

“You are far from that tower where your kind tend to gather. How....” he paused and smiled at her “Intresting.” 

“My kind?” she asked worried what did he mean her kind?

“Yes those like you. They busy themselves pretending we don't exist, though there are some that don't go there some wonder in groups or by themselves, but most don't talk to us like you do they come and go and think us bad..... but not you.” He stepped closer.

Rowan stepped back “I don't understand. You mean humans?” 

“Ha! Not just any Human....” He was cut off

“Rowan hello you are far from our meeting spot.” Atamai's voice came from behind her it was a welcome relief.

She ran to her friend and hugged him. “I'm glad you're back.”

“Same.” Replied Atamai.

Taking Rowan's hand they walked back. Rowan glanced over her shoulder to see the stranger melt away as they walked away he had a wicked smile on his lips.

~-~

 

Rowan swung her legs making her bounce in her seat, the chantry benches were uncomfortable and the services were overly long and boring, Jessique and her had been playing a simply quiet game of connect the dots but their Mother had smacked Rowan, taken the parchment away hissing at them to pay attention. Odelina had taken Edmond out because he was being so restless, it just wasn't fair why did he get to go out and play while they sat in there listening to the Revered Mother.

“Long was his silence, 'fore it was broken.'For you, song-weaver, once more I will try. To My children venture, carrying wisdom, If they but listen, I shall return.'” The Revered Mother was reading from her prepared speech parts of the chant “Here the Maker instructs that we mustn't waiver in our faith even when times are hard we must stand fast and raise our voices.” Explaining to them and how they might apply to their lives and how to better themselves. 

By the end of the sermon Rowan had been nodding off when Jessique elbowed her in attempt to keep their Mother for noticing her daughters were not paying attention. 

“Hey why'd.....” Rowan's complaint trailed off as Jessique was jutting her chin in their Mothers directions. “Er … think that raising our voice in song would work and how loud do you sing?” she tried to recover from what she last remembered of the sermon.

Even her Father didn't buy it giving her a disapproving look beside her mother and from behind her she could hear Brazen stifling a chuckle, sighing Rowan knew she was in for an earful on the carriage ride home. Desdemona gestured toward the end of the bench signaling them out of the row.

The Chantry was fuller than usual today, Wintersend was Monday and so more people attended the benedictions on holidays than usual and Wintersend was exciting as it usually meant 4 days of celebrations with tourneys, and the fair would be in Ostwick and the family dinner feasts on the fifth day. There was much excited chatter in the hall as people exchange pleasantries and event planning for the coming week.

Mother Teresa Hollends neared to greet them. “It is always a pleasure to see you all here.” She addressed Their Mother Desdemona. 

“Mother Teresa, your sermons are always insightful I hope you will be joining us for dinner this evening before all the festivities start.” Desdemona extened her arms out to embrace Mother Hollends and give her and air kiss.

The Trevelyans were known for their devotion to the chantry and often had members of the church visit the estates, the children had professors and tutors come to the house for schooling with only a twice a week trip to the school house, recommend by Mother Hollends so the kids may know that service is demanded by all by the Maker and seen as equals in his eyes. Rowan relished those days she made friends and played with the other children as did her brother and cousins, though Ambriel and Jessique were reserved Jessique more so prefering to spend her time with their cousin Osher and often those two were seen as snotty and stuck up. But it seemed that Osher and Jessique preferred that over playing with the “common children” as their mothers would call the school house children.

“Thank you I know some of the little ones don't quite understand it all and may nod off.” She winked at Rowan who blushed. “Alas the innocence of youth, but of course Desdemona, I have a few perishers to visit on my way there I am looking forward to a shared meal with your family, Sister Eva and Sister Mave will be with me.”

“Wonderful, the more the merrier.” Desdemona clapped her hand in front of her in excitement. “I w....”

Desdemona was cut off by a Templar that had approached them unannounced. “Pardon Mother Hollends, Brother Gentry said to check in with you about the items that were ordered.” 

“Yes of course.” Mother Hollends said then turning to Desdemona. “Please excuse me, we will see you for supper.” she turned and left with the Templar on her heals.

Someone else stepped forward “Bann Trevelyan.....” They said addressing their father but the children didn't stay to listen to the idle talks of the adults they went out to find their friends. 

Brazen found Cruncel and started a game of keep away with him and another boy, Ambriel found Odelina and Jessique was speaking with Osher. Kyla came ran up to Rowan “Come quick!” She said breathless. “You won't believe what the Templars brought!”

“What?” Ask Rowan 

“The mages!” Kyla grinned, Kyla was one of her friends from school and liked to have as much fun as Rowan and annoy the teacher with questions when a subject had holes in the explanation.

“What! No way lets go.” Rowan grinned following Kyla at a run, which caught Brazen's eye who quickly got Ambriel and of course Cruncel followed.

They slowed as the neared the side gate easing their way to the Chantry gardens, Brazen caught up with them “What's going on?” he asked panting.

“Mages.” Answered Kyla

“Are they even allowed out?” Cruncel asked.

“Why wouldn't they?” Ambriel rolled his eyes

“Because they do blood magic.” Cruncel replied

At this they all turned to look at him wide eyed and Cruncel's expression was one that said it was a given that all mages used blood magic.

“No Cruncel they don't all do blood magic, the Templars wouldn't let those mages out of the circle they're not stupid.” 

Brazen shoved Cruncel “You're such a cad you'll believe anything.”

“How do you know you've never been there!” Hollered Cruncel. They all but jumped on him to silence him with a hand on his mouth.

“Oh Maker Cruncel you'll get us kicked out of here before we see any mages. You and your stupid blood magic. This isn't Tevinter no blood magic here!” Kyla hissed.

One by one they peered over the fence or through the opened gate, about five Templars were there spread out in a circle and in between them 6 mages, 2 of them were standing away from the others looking bored, while the remaining four fidgeted and looked rather uncomfortable. One of the Templars called out. “I don't get why this couldn't wait? Seems foolish non of them know how to work a proper lock.”

“We have new apprentices in coming and the old door is giving to rot so it needs to be replaced, the sooner the better.” Answered another jutting his chin in the direction the children were “Looks like we have an audience.” he added, at this the children hid behind the fence.

“We right here, and we know how locks work ser Sillious.” Replied one of the mages “Those doors need to be replace the proper way or they are of no use.”

“Enough!” Commanded another.

“Yes Knight Lieutenant.” 

The children looked at each other in confusion what did they mean proper way to replace a door? Aren't all doors simple to replace? Did they mean the Main door? Were they saying that the mages could escape? Were these mages escapees that Templars had caught around here? They all peered over again more curious than before. This time the two mages were looking there way making the children freeze the eyes of these two mages were vacant their stare had the feeling of falling into a horrible cavern where no one could ever find you, a place you could cry for help and die alone and no one would know or care.

“Children you should go find your parents, I'm sure they are looking for you.” Mother Hollends voice made them all jump and they quickly went off.

None of them spoke as they walked toward the church entrance to find their parents lost in thought, their curiosity had brought questions none of them had counted on or wanted, all for simply wanting to see mages. Kyla found her parents speaking to Alessander Trevelyan and his new wife Malory, Cruncel was fetched by a servant and left, Ambriel and Rowan stayed with Brazen near their uncle and play a simple game of tag. Brazen was it and chased Rowan despite her small size she could easily out run her older cousin, she ran inside dodging behind one of the pillars she slowed to see if Brazen was still chasing her, he wasn't she turned around and bumped right into a small book shelf causing a few books to tumble out.

Rowan bent over to pick them up and place them back on the shelf when she spotted one of the books that had fallen off the self and laid open caught her eye it was a picture that depicted a black thrown in the distance with what looked like black smudges on either side. This reminded her of 'the here' and the black chairs far out that belonged to the ancient ones Atamai had told her about. She sat there transfixed by the picture until a voice startled her out of her thoughts. 

“Child what are you doing? Your nurse maid searches for you.” It was Sister Mave.

“I... oh yeah....”Rowan stumbled before asking “What's this.” she said pointing to the picture of the black chair.

“Don't you pay attention? Its the seat of the maker in the black city that was tainted by those that entered the fade.” Huffed the Sister.

“Oh yeah I forgot.” She stared again at the picture. 

“Rowan go on now your family is ready to leave, I'll see you tonight.” Sister Mave picked her up by the arm and lead her toward the door.

The carriage ride home was filled with her mother Berating her the importance of paying attention in church and even her father had to point out that Rowan wasn't the only on that wasn't listening. 

“Desdemona Darling, other children weren't listening either Jessique was also nodding off and the boys were having their own game of connect dots. There were others as well even among adults. Rowan is doing fine.”

“I don't care what they are doing Ro.. our children should be paying attention, plus Rowan will start her chanty studies soon to be a sister....”

“I don't want to be a sister, I want to be a …...” Rowan interupted.

“That's enough you'll do as you are told.” Her mother Yelled

“Desdemona we've discussed the future of the children, if chantry services is what they want to go into they may, but they are free to choose their service. Their inheritance is well enough that they can do as they would like.”

“You're always taking her side, I'm so sick of it you have other children you know.” Desdemona stated.

Edwin's eyes flashed. “I am aware of how many children we have.” His wife opened her mouth to argue but was stopped “Stop I will not argue on this point, I have much to do today the caravans of the Elvhens have come early this year and I must go.”

Desdemona did not argue at least not right, she resented her husband treating her like a child in front of her children.

“Father what about the study?” Rowan asked, yesterday they had made a deal that she would help clean the study and he'd pay for the rest of necklace.

“You can clean it tomorrow, today I want to get to the caravans for trade, they have some orders I put in last time they passed through. And Lavellan clan are more amiable than the other Elvhen clans more reasonable for trade.” Edwin explained.

Rowan nodded she knew that trading with some of the clan wasn't high priority but the news they brought with them was what allowed their father to stay ahead of the curve with the families business, and because he was known among the clans as dealing fairly more clans were willing to trade with the Trevelyans than with anyone other noble trades men, She'd often heard her father and Uncle speak after trades on what business would pay out better than other an either stay or change course.

Shortly after their arrival the children's Grandmother came with the tailor to deliver Rowan's dress for her birthday less than two weeks away, one final fitting and some minor adjustments to be made the dress started white at the shoulders and darkened as it cascaded down to dark blue making the dress look like the morning glory. Rowan twirled in her beautiful dress feeling like a princess.

“Mother can I show Odelina?” Rowan asked, excitedly hopping down from they step stool she had been standing on.

“No you will dirty it, she can see it on you for the party.” Desdemona's reply was curt “I still think a lighter color would of worked better, Jessique's dress was grand.” This time addressing her mother in-law.

“Yes Jessique's dress was beautiful but it wouldn't compliment Rowan as it did Jessique. A different color would be best just like the girls are different.” Replied Ulima, she knew her daughter in-law's preferential treatment of the girls and tried to correct it as when she could, now was one of those times.

Rowan and Jessique were like night and day Rowan had black curls, tan skin and full dark pink lips like her mother, Jessique had blond waves, pale skin and plump soft pink lips like her father, Rowan's deep blue eyes like her father's against Jessique's honey brown eyes like her mother. They had similar shaped facial features baring that you would not know they were related. Desdemona's Rivainy features were more prominent on Rowan while Free marchers feature from their father was more prominent on Jessique's. 

“Ahem” the tailor cleared her throat “I can finish the three chiffon layered sleeves today and have it to you by mor....” 

“Three! No two will do just fine.” Desdemona cut her off.

“M' lady three is the fashion, especi...”

“ She is to small for three, two will suffice.” Desdemona nodded in finality.

“Oh stop that Desy, the dress will look unfinished what would people think?” Ulima interjected 

“I like the three layers on the sleeve Mother.” Rowan squeaked as her Mother glared.

“Fine whatever it's not like I'm your mother or anything.” 

Rowan winced at the harsh words of her mother and stared at her feet the slippers that matched the dress seemed less vibrant now. Desdemona always throw those words around when Rowan sided with someone else. 

“Come now Rowan take off the dress and go play.” Her Grandmother directed before any changes could be to the dress by her mother's superstitious numbers.

Rowan did as she was told leaving the room to go find Ambriel, the rest of the day was spent out in the garden with Ambriel and Edmond chasing ladybugs as the warm weather was bringing out the insects from there winter slumber. 

“Eddy I caught one come look.” She called to her brother.

Eddy ran over “I see I see!” he called to her to show him 

His tan little hands reaching out to hold the red and black beetle. His honey brown eyes bright with excitement

“Oh a mantis!” called Ambriel called to his siblings 

Rowan and Edmond ran over to their brother as he showed them the praying mantis that was purched on the back of his hand, the beautiful creature obvious against Ambriels pale skin.

Like Jessique and Rowan the brothers also had striking differences Edmond's smooth baby skin tan like his sister's with plump dark pink lips, with his curly hair a cooper color, and bright honey brown eyes. Ambriel with black wavy hair, pale skin, deep blue eyes and full soft pink lips. The four of them often turned heads where ever they went they had the best of their parents, and the kindness the Trevelyan name carried 

“What are you doing?” Jessique called as she walked over to the three.

Spying the mantis she smiled at its elegance “Oh its beau AHHH!” just then the mantis choose to fly away straight into Jessique's face.

Rowan waved her arms to chase the mantis away “Are you okay?” 

“It attacked me.” Cryed her sister.

They all looked at each other then burst into laughter.

Father arrived shortly before dinner but after the guest and the children's Grandmother stay for dinner as well, and as to be expected the talk turned to Donations and tithing, communal services and church, the kids were sent to bed shortly after dinner much to their relief.


	4. What dreams may come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bad dreams means a bed on fire and a long day for Rowan

The mansion was empty Rowans foot steps echoed in the darkened halls, something was off she ran to her parents bedroom 

“Mother! Father!” Her voice echoed off the walls 

Rowan ran to the next room then the next calling out “Odelina! Ambriel! Please!” tears streamed down her face as she began to panic

Where was everyone why had they all left her alone? Father wouldn't leave without saying goodbye and he'd make sure someone was taking care of his children, Odelina was always there, why had they gone. She ran out of the house and down the steps into the front lawn it was cold and a heavy fog hung in the air making it impossible to see more the two feet in front of her face.

“FATHER! ODELINA! MOTHER! HELP!” she cried as she ran on the wet and muddy earth, her hair and night gown were starting to get damp from the fog.

Rowan stopped and turned around looking in every direction, it was useless there was nothing to see but white fog, she couldn't even return home she didn't know which way she'd come, dropping to the ground and crying was all she could do.

“Mommy! Daddy!” she Cried in between sobs 

She looked around in despair then noticed her foot print in the mud and stopped crying. Yes that's what she needed to follow her tracks back home, stooping low so as to see through the fog and walk from one foot print to the other taking care not to step on her old prints in case she had to go back a start again her father's lessons made more sense now. Rowan hadn't realized how far she'd run she was now soaked through coupled with the cold, she was shivering teeth chattering loudly. Finally she could make out the steps that lead up to the house and at the top of the stairs she could make out someone standing there.

“Rowan? Where are you?” Her fathers voice called out.

Rowan broke out into a run leaping over the first step, her Father was looking for her after all, he hadn't abandoned her, running up the steps and on to the landing she abruptly stopped. 

Something was terribly wrong something in her screamed to get away, but there he was her father arms open ready to embrace her. Then why couldn't she take those two steps to hug him. Where was everyone? Why had he gone in the first place? And where too?

“Rowan? Little one? What's the matter?” Edwin furrowed his eye brows

“Where did you go?” She asked 

“Someone's come for us we must leave, I sent Odelina to get you.” He replied

“I didn't see her I didn't see anyone. Where is Mother?”

“She's with your sister and brothers. Come one little one we must hurry, we're in danger here.” Her father stretch out his hand to her

Rowan recoiled “NO!” she yelled

“Stop being stubborn.” Edwin Trevelyan hissed

“No! My Father doesn't call me little one! Who are you?!” She yelled.

The man standing in front of her looked like her father but he wasn't, what was going on.

The man dropped his hand to his side and grinned “Clever girl.” he laughed “I will have you.” his voice changed into a distorted version of her father's

Rowan screamed turning she ran down the steps, running through the fog and mud. 

“Rowan!”

She slid to a stop “Atamai? Where are you? What's happening?”

“Don't run. Turn and fight.”Atamai's voice came from somewhere but she couldn't make out from where.

“I can't he's bigger.” She panted her heart trying to hammer its way out of her chest.

“Here it doesn't matter girl, put your hands up just like you've been taught.” This voice was Val's

“Where are you?”

“Oh they're around.” The fake Edwin said mockingly “We won't let them in.” he came striding out of the fog

“We?” she panted

“You and I we're a good team don't you know.” He smiled 

“No I wouldn't keep them out they're my friends.” she cried.

“Oh are they? Well then why aren't they here with us? Instead they tell you to fight. A fight they know you'll lose.” Fake Edwin grinned “Why would your “Friends” do this” he said doing air quotations. “I wouldn't do that, I would protect you.” 

His voice sounded so lulling and it sounded like truth her head felt hazy, Fake Edwin smiled put his hand out for Rowan to take, Oh how she wanted to take her father's hand and go be with her family, only a few steps. But she couldn't her brain cried out to move away from him she warred with herself, it was her father wasn't it? he said he'd protect her. No it wasn't her father, his words were empty her friends said to fight.

“NO!” she screamed snapping out of what ever trance she was in.

Fake Edwin ran at Rowan grabbing her by her neck and pick her above his head. “I will be you!” he Growled.

Rowan couldn't breath his cold fingers seemed to freeze her skin his vice grip slowly squeezing her neck, her vision blurred. Without thinking She grabbed his arm and dug her fingers nails into his arm hot rage pouring through her.

Fake Edwin screatched letting go of Rowan and grabbing his scorched arm.

The unexpected fall knocked what little breath she had in her lungs out, she gasped for air coughing and doing her best to back way from this thing what ever it was.

“No!” Yelled fake Edwin and lunged at Rowan

Rowan threw her hand out ready this time with the same anger she'd felt at him.

And then she fell out of bed hitting the floor hard, confused Rowan blinking she had just been outside in the cold not in her room next to her burning bed. And that's when she realized her bed was on fire.

Screaming she ran to the door and flung it open “HELP! HELP! FIRE! HELP DADDY PLEASE!” She ran out into the hall screaming as loud as she could. 

In seconds the hall filled with people and soon shouting started “Get the buckets.” someone called “Get the children out” yelled another “Wake the house” still more voices filled the hall.

Someone grabbed Rowan by the arm she spun to look at who it was, Odelina had Edmond in her other arm Ambriel and Jessique came up running behind her “Child come we must go.” 

The children hurried after her to the back door where they were met with a member of her father's guard “Follow me.” he instructed as he opened the door.

Mist was in the air outside causing Rowan to freeze, Ambriel noticed her first.

“Rowan lets go.” He said reaching for his sister.

Rowan recoiled “No” she rasped out.

“What come on!” Ambriel urged

“Come child, we must go out and wait.” Odelina came back trying to grab her

Rowan backed shaking her head “No stop, who are you?” was this still a dream?

Jessique grabbed her by the arm and pulled at her, Rowan pushed her away causing her to fall at the Jessique stood up and slapped her sister

“Stop being a brat!” she yelled “The house is on fire.”

Yeah that was Jessique always calling her a brat. 

“Ok” Rowan said grabbing her cheek and finally following them

The guard lead them out to the front lawn where more guards were there waiting for them and soon after their mother came to join them with some the house servants that stay at the manor at night, the rest of the guards and servants were running with buckets of water to put the fire out.

Soon their Father came and Rowan hid behind Odelina scared that it was the fake father from her dream.

“The fire was contained in Rowan's room.” He panted putting his arm around his shivering wife.

“Rowan what happened?” Her Father asked 

Rowan did not move she stayed behind Odelina, until the nurse maid reached behind her and pulled Rowan out by an arm.

“Rowan?” her Father prodded gently and he crouched in front of his daughter “What happened?” His voice laced with worry.

Tears began falling down her face and her shoulders shook as Rowan began to cry “I was asleep... and... and...”

With out thinking Odelina spoke up “Child you fell asleep with the candle on again! Didn't you? How many times have you been told that's Dangerous.” The only thing she knew was that if Rowan kept talking the child would be gone by sun up.

“Is this true?” Edwin asked his voice sever.

Rowan looked between her Father, Odelina and her Mother trying to put her words in place she kept opening her mouth and closing it. Trying to remember what she did before bed she didn't remember leaving the candle lit. But that dream seemed so real, was it just a nightmare that served to wake her up and save the house? She didn't know it felt like so much more but how could she explain a dream to her parents not like dreams could start fires, in the end she just nodded and continued to cry silently. 

Edwin sighed running his hands through his blond hair “Rowan I..” He wasn't sure what to say “Are you hurt?” he asked instead.

Rowan shook her head and Edwin reached over and took hold of her small hand she winced in response he frowned in worry that maybe she had been burned, he checked her hands and arms and looking for any burn marks on her clothes or person. 

“Everyone back inside, lets get warmed up.” He finally said “Rayla would you please get rooms in the guest wing ready, the children won't be sleeping in the nursery wing for the next couple of days till its aired out cleaned.” 

“Yes sir.” Rayla walked off taking 3 of the servants with her to start on the rooms

They all started back to the house. “Edwin we have guest coming the day after tomorrow.” his wife reminded him.

“I Know darling the children's wing should be cleaned and ready by then, we have enough rooms regardless, and my Mother would be happy to take anyone we can't house, our guest will understand.” He replied.

Rowan stayed wake for some time watching the room she was sharing with Jessique get lighter as the sun came up before she dozed into an uneasy sleep.

“Rowan get up.” Odelina's voice woke her up. “Come child you've got to get up you've got to clean your Fathers study.” 

Oh the study with all of the excitement of last night she had completely forgotten and was hopping to avoid her Father all day today as long as possible in fact. She got up and dressed preferring to eat breakfast in the room and no one objected, after she headed to her Father's study he was already there doing some paper work, Rowan knocked and waiting for her Father to let her in. 

“Come in.” his voice came from the other side of the door.

She went in shyly and stood in front of his desk waiting for instructions.

“Rayla brought the duster, broom and things you'll need start over there with those books dust and sort them alphabetically, when you're done with that shelf dust the others they don't need sorting, then take these boxes out to the entrance of basement so Bill can take them down later.” Her Father ordered.

She began by taking all the books down climbing up and down the library ladder to reach the top then dusted all the shelves, she carefully sorted all the books and putting them back taking two books at a time as she climb the ladder, she dusted the other book cases from top to bottom, after that she dragged the boxes of paper to the entrance then let Bill know that they were there. By the time she was done with that it was already lunch.

“Rowan go eat when you're finished with lunch come back, I have more work for you.” Her Father said simply and returned to his work.

Rowan nodded and left the study, as she walked down the hall everyone she encountered looked at her in annoyance or pity, Rowan cared for neither she just wished last night had never happened. 

Her Mother and siblings were already at the table eating no one looked up as she walked to her chair or said anything when she sat down, Odelina gave her some cold cuts of meat some cheese a slice of bread and some carrots. Desdemona got up shortly after muttering something about ordering something and left, it was silent for a moment after their mother's departure.

“Way to go brat now we can't have candles in out rooms thanks to you.” The silence was broken by Jessique.

“Yes you can Jessique, I just have to check in to make sure they are being used properly.” Odelina corrected “And take them at night before bed.” she added

“I didn't leave the candle lit ok!” Rowan yelled at her sister.

“Oh then what? The fire just decided to start from nowhere and burn up your room!”

“No! I.... I … don't know” she ended lamely 

“Stop fighting.” Ambriel commanded “Rowan, Jessique is right, you were told plenty of times not to leave a candle burning when you go to sleep. What if Eddy had been with you last night?”

Rowan looked at her older brother hurt by his words they all acted as if she had tried to burn her own room. She turned and looked at Eddy sitting happily in Odelina's lap what if he had been scared and climbed in bed with her like he often did. Tears rolled down her cheek and she got up and ran out of the room crying.

“Come now you two it was and accident, last night was a lesson she won't soon forget. It could have been any of you.” Odelina tried to smooth out the anger the siblings had.

“Oh what would you know she's your favorite.” shot Jessique

“Really now missy? Did you forget the dress you set afire because you threw it to close to the fire place? I'm sure your Mother would love to hear about that one since I helped you put out the flames and mended the dress.” Odelina said pointedly.

Jessique didn't reply all of sudden the fruit on her plate seemed more intresting. Ambriel looked both surprised and annoyed at his sister she had been going on and on about Rowan nearly burning the house down and she had nearly done the same thing only it was caught in time.

“I can't believe you.” He said getting up from the table and leaving.

Jessique quietly up shortly after her brother had exited the room and left without a word, Odelina sighed she hadn't meant to start anything between Jessique and Ambriel, but if she didn't stop Jessique now she would be after Rowan relentlessly until it escalated to physically hitting each other. 

Oh Maker had she done the right thing when she spoke up last night, it had been instinct she knew Rowan hadn't left any candles on and the fire was burning low in the fire place when she checked in on the her last night. All those weeks of mending hand shaped burn marks on the quilts or hanging them up to dry after the frost melted from them making excuses for her roaming the halls at night to make sure Rowan was safe from her own dreams. If last night showed anything is that maybe keeping Rowan away from the circle might endanger the rest of the family, she was brought out of her musing by Edmond

“Odina I want yuice.” Edmond said poking her cheek

“Here you go child some juice.” 

Rowan went back to her Father's study after she dried her tears, he had a stack of papers on the end of his desk. 

“Here I need you to bind them they already have been hole punched the leather covers are over there and the letter strings as well, they are separated by these markers make sure not to mix them up.” He instructed

Rowan nodded it didn't take long to tie all the stacks and place them back where her Father instructed they go. She notice her Father was rummaging through papers, then through the stacks she had just finished.

“Are you looking for something Father?” she asked shyly

“Yes, the order copy for this weeks deliveries and pick ups and the tax count for the city as well, they had last weeks date and and a green seal on them.” He stated matter of fact as he continued his rummaging 

Rowan had seen it on top of one of the boxes she had taken out to the basement entryway. “It was in one of the boxes.” she told him.

“Rowan you know you aren't supposed to touch my papers!” Edwin said exasperated

“I didn't.” She contested. “I saw it on the top of a box as I dragged it out.” 

Sighing Edwin went to search for the papers walking down the hall and to the basement door, Bill had already taken the boxes down. Edwin opened the door and went down the stairs, the basement had little light he grabbed one of the lanterns lighting it and began searching for the the boxes from that day among the other boxes. 

After some time of waiting Rowan went to search for her Father entering the basement she found him among opened boxes and strewn papers. The cool dark and damp basement reminded her of the dream and she nervously called out.

“Daddy...er” She quickly corrected “Father did you find it?”

Rowan's shaky voice had startled him she hadn't called him daddy since she was three and all of his frustration at her from last night and the lost papers of today melted away, he walked over to his daughter and kneeled down in front of her.

He looked at her in the deem light for a while before he spoke. “No sweetheart I have not, would you like to help me look.”

Rowan nodded “I know which box it was in, it had the red mark on the front and a funny squiggle.” She drew her finger in the air then ran off to look at the boxes.

It wasn't long before she found them she pointed at it “This one” she said with a smile.

Edwin removed the three boxes on top of it and right on top were the papers he had been searching for, now he remembered he had been looking over the papers when Rayla came in and dropped the broom then the duster and he had set the papers down on the box to help her pick them up. Looking at Rowan she remembered these paper even though she didn't know they were important he now began to wonder if she'd really did leave the candle lit where it would start a fire.

“Thank you Rowan I would not have found them without you, Sorry I accused you earlier I was frustrated.” he apologized. “And you can call me 'daddy' if you want.” he smiled at her.

She smiled back and hugged him tight, this was her father not a fake one like in her dream.

The rest of the day she was instructed to help her Mother, Rayla and the other to clear and and clean up her room. And she did so without complaint doing everything commanded of her. At the end of they day not even Rayla could not complain about Rowan, she had taken boards bigger than herself out and swept the floor, wiping down the walls sweeping and emptying out all of her drawers and taking her toys out being nimble and fast enough to stay out of the way of the workers that were there to tear down and repair the room. Rowan had opened the windows of the other rooms to air them out, striped the beds and taken the sheets to the laundry room.

That night Rowan was sorer than she'd ever been, she had a new appreciation for Rayla, Odelina and the rest of the servants that worked there; making a note to never make this difficult for them if she could help it. 

Jessique came in to get ready for bed, for the most part she ignored Rowan going about getting dress quietly and not looking at her sister, washing up blowing out the candle. Rowan didn't know what to say so she said nothing, crawling under her covers and laying down to stare at the ceiling till she started drifting, that is until Jessique's voice brought her back from the brink of sleep.

“Ro you awake?” Asked Jessique.

“Yeah”

“Can we talk?”

Rowan shrugged “I guess” she said sitting up.

Jessique came over to sit on her bed. “I'm sorry about what I said.”

Rowan was surprised Jessique had actually apologized, she never apologized for anything ever at least not that Rowan could remember.

“Uh.... yeah it's ok.” She replied shrugging again. “I know you were mad I did light my bed of fire... and the table.... and the rest of my room.” 

“Well I sorta did the same thing.” Jessique said sheepishly.

Rowans mouth dropped “Wait. What?”

“Yeah over the winter I threw my dress too close to the fire place and it caught, I got scared and swung around trying to put it out and caught the rug on fire. If Odelina hadn't come in and stumped out the fire and poured water on the dress my room would have been toast...... litterly.” Jessique finished her cheeks turning pink with embarrassment.

“Jess does Mother know?” 

Jessique shook her head “No Odelina mended the dress and spent the next couple weeks getting thread to mend the rug as well, I tried to giver her my allowance to pay her back but she wouldn't take it.”

Rowan looked at her sister mouth agape for some time Jessique fidgeted pulling at the front of her night gown. And then Rowan started laughing.

“Ro! Its not funny!” Jessique protested.

“Yes. It. Is.” Rowan said between gasps of laughter.

“Ro!” Jessique tried to protest but now she too had started laughing

Odelina came into check on the girls and found them laughing on the bed, she smiled “Alright you to time for bed, Jessique get back to your bed.”

Odelina tucked in both girls and kissed them goodnight she grabbed the candle and left taking another look a the girls, she closed the door shaking her head turned to walk and nearly walking into her mistress.

“Oh Lady Trevelyan I di'nah see you, my apologies.” She said surprised

“Yes well I came to check on the the children.” Desdemona said straightening up.

“Of course My lady.” Odelina nodded and left. 

Desdemona opened the door to her daughters temporary room and walked in, she went over to Jessique kissed her on the forehead said a quick good night and pulled the covers around her. She then went over to Rowan pulled the cover up a little and left the room. She moved on to the boys room kissing both boys on the forehead and tucking them in.


	5. A shift

Rowan's dream was not in 'the here' it was a regular dream she was late for school no matter how much she ran she wasn't fast enough, she tripped and fell and kept falling she didn't remember what other things she dreamt about. It was a relief to have a regular dream for once she hardly had those in the last few months, and with the dream she'd had the night before last didn't look like it was in 'the here' she was used too, she knew it was, she didn't know how but she felt it was.

Odelina came in with Edmond trailing behind her “Come on girls time to get up.” she placed the pitcher of water and the wash basin along with towels for the girls to wash up.

“Hurry your Mother wants you both down for breakfast, the guest will start arriving today and she wants you ready before mid morning.”

Rowan and Jessique got up, washed and dressed their Mother came in to help with their hair.

“Your Uncle will be here before lunch to take you to town for the celebrations.” Desdemona informed the girls

“Yes Mother.” they Said in unison 

“Odelina will you go check on Ambriel please.”

“Yes ma'am” 

“You two on your best behavior, Rowan don't argue with your Uncle. No bickering the both of you.” she commanded.

“No Mother.” the girls assured their Mother.

“Hurry now put your shoes on, and go down to breakfast.”

They met with Ambriel in the hall he was giving Edmond a piggy back ride to the dinning hall. He stopped and look at his sisters then continued walking; they followed. The house was buzzing today Wintersend was in full swing and guest would be arriving many would be stay past Rowan's birthday celebration. The Front door was wide open and two guards were posted at the entrance and two more at the bottom of the stairs outside. People were coming and going either delivering something or pick up something to be delivered, servants were going into rooms with things in their arms and coming out empty handed or with something different and those that had empty hands didn't stay that way for long.

Breakfast was simple this morning some eggs, biscuits and fruit.

“You know if you wanted a new furniture you could of just ask Mother and Father, you didn't have to burn anything.” Jessique teased Rowan.

Ambriel shot her a look.

“Well if you wanted to get rid of that ugly dress maybe throw it all the way into the fireplace and not catch your rug on fire.” Rowan replied with a grin

Ambriel looked at Rowan surprised, He looked back at Jessique who'd wrinkled her nose.

“I was trying to get rid of the carpet.” she chided 

“Pfft that was a fail.” Rowan rolled her eyes.

“Ah you told her then” Stated Ambriel

Jessique stuck her tongue out in response.

Ambriel grinned “Though that is an ugly rug, maybe I should burn my dresser...”

“Excuse me!” The voice of their mother made them all freeze.

“I.. no.. it's....” Ambriel stumbled over his words not knowing what to say.

“No Mother we're teasing Rowan, that... um.. you know.” Jessique shrugged trying to find words so their Mother wouldn't fly off the handle. “Well....” she was not coming up with anything.

“They were making fun of me for needing a new bed.” Rowan interjected 

“That's not funny, of all weeks to do it you pick this one Rowan! Not that anytime is good to try to kill your family!” Desdemona's face was turning red.

“No Mother I wasn't trying to....” Rowan wasn't allowed to finish that statement.

“You started a fire, how could you do that to me... to your Father! What is wrong with you?” their Mother's voice was getting louder.

Rowan was shrinking in her chair trying to disappear. “ Mother it was and accident, I'm sorry.” her voice seemed to be having trouble coming out above a whisper.

“I should hope so, a cursed child it should happen too and that is you. You'll start sharing a room with Odelina to make sure you don't kill us all with your curses.” Desdemona sputtered.

 

“That's not fair Mother!” Ambriel spoke up surprising everyone, himself included. “Why would you say Rowan is cursed, it was and accident Mother you know what an accident is don't you. What is wrong with you?” 

Desdemona looked at him wide eye for a second and then pulled back her hand and slapped her oldest. Rowan yelp and Jessique went pale, Edmond started crying and started tugging on Rowans sleeve.

“Desdemona!” Edwin's voice broke through silence.

Behind him Odelina stood frozen in shock since she started working here nearly seven years ago the children had never been spanked or hit, though she knew her mistress was prone to out burst of shouting and verbal abuse to the children. 

“Odelina” Edwins voice made the nurse maid jump. “Take the children and a carriage and meet my brother at his estate.”

“Y....yes ser.” She stammered and hurried over to scoop up a crying Edmond.

The children got up and followed Odelina out of the dinning hall making sure to close the doors on their way out. She left them in the atrium to go fetch the driver and make sure the carriage was ready as fast as possible. Edmond clung to Rowan still crying while Rowan and Jessique tried to stop his crying every so often the sisters would look over at Ambriel who'd gone stoic an angry red mark starting to show on the right side of his face, then they'd look at each other alternatively. 

Before long Odelina was back and escorting the children outside and into the carriage, as she was climbing in her masters hand on her should stopped her making her jump as well.

“Sorry Odelina I did not mean to startle you, here so as to keep the children entertained while in town today.” Edwin handed the nurse maid a purse full of coin. “You too may also get what you'd like there is enough for all of you....well as long as you don't over spend.” he said the last with and attempted smile.

Odelina smiled awkwardly back at him and climbed into the carriage and 20 minutes later they were coming into their Uncles estate, who met them at the stairs confused when he saw the carriage coming from the upstairs window. He sent the children off to find Brazen and kept Odelina who felt extremely awkward and unsure of how much to tell him so she opted for partial truth.

“What is the matter, I thought we were to pick you up today?” Alessander asked worry laced in his voice. “What's happened?”

“The night before last Rowan's room caught fire. We think she may have left a candle burning and fallen asleep and it caught something on ablaze.” She stated

“Yes my brother sent word. But why are you here?” He said with a raised eye brow

“Well as you know we have guest arriving today and not enough rooms now, Bann Trevelyan and lady Trevelyan thought it a good idea to get the children out earlier as they were bickering and causing stress so Bann Trevelyan asked me to bring the children.” This answer seemed to satisfy Lord Trevelyan.

“Right then, have the children eaten breakfast.” He asked

Odelina nodded though she wasn't really sure they hadn't been at the breakfast table long.

The children found their cousin in the play room building a model knight. He was surprised to see them but greeted them with a wide grin at first which quickly disappeared when he saw their faces.

“Why the long faces?” Brazen asked with a raised eyebrow half joking.

He knew it was serious when none of them said anything. This wasn't like any of them, startled now he look at each of his cousins and stopped short nearly taking a step back when he saw Ambriel's face. Rage balled up in him remember all the beatings he'd gotten from Malory before his Father put a stop to them, and she would now resort to embarrassing him and belittling him at every turn.

His fist opened and closed and through clenched teeth he ask “Who?”

And when no one answered he demanded “Tell me who!”

Jessique piped up “Mother.”

At this Brazen's anger deflated, Aunt Desy? But why? He'd been jealous of his cousins since his Mother passed away, Aunt Des had always been nice to him, basically treating him like a fifth son. He was so confused, and fell into silence with his cousins although for an entirely different reason. 

They sat around one of the games table staring at game pieces, Edmond was on Rowans lap resting his face on her neck, Jessique was rubbing Edmonds little hand with her thumb in a circular motion, Ambriel's face in his arms as they rested on the table and Brazen was leaning back in his chair with his feet on the table, that is how Odelina found them.

She cleared her voice “Ahem, come on children lets go to town the tournaments are sure to have started and the fair, I hear is just as fun as last times.” she was trying to cheer them up.

They were in shock and not just because their Mother had struck Ambriel, she'd called Rowan cursed and implied Rowan was trying to kill them all that she didn't care about them. Ambriel had been angered by his Mother's words enough to speak out against them, Jessique had been confused. Rowan had been so hurt by them and ashamed of herself, Edmond was to small to grasp what the words meant but the visual of his mother hitting his brother and the reaction it garnered from his siblings had mad him sad and scared.

And so the carriage ride to the festivities was an eerily quiet one, even after their arrival there it took a couple hours to get the children to come out of themselves and have fun. Which at first worried Alessander he was about ready to suggest they return home until Brazen ran into a lady because he was looking at his feet, causing her to go into dramatic hysterics, you'd think he'd stabbed her with a knife.

The children had began to laugh which angered the woman and she stumped off much to the reliefe of all, after that they loosened up and started paying attention to the games and tournaments, Rowan and Jessique took Edmond on a giant swing that took two adults to move, Ambriel and Brazen went on a spinning ride. 

They watched the jousting, stopped to play some games and win prizes, they ate at the Inn and sweets and pastries at the baker, if Malory hadn't been there to constantly try to belittle Odelina or Brazen it would have been great. But with his cousins quick wits she soon gave it up. 

They headed out as the sun was beginning to set and arrived back at the Estate after dark, the children were apprehensive and began to fidget. 

“Don't fret, I'm sure everything is fine now.” Odelina assured them, in reality she wasn't sure herself.

They bid their Uncle fair well and followed Odelina to their rooms.


	6. The Necklace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rowan gives her Mother a gift with unexpected results.

That night Rowan dreamt of 'the here' Atamai and Val were there with somber faces, Rowan launched into question.

“What happened? Why was I stuck in a place that look like home?” She quarried

“Remember when I told you not everyone here is nice?” Atamai asked her in answer.

Rowan nodded 

“Well he was one of them and now there will be more.” Val stated

“What?” For the first time Rowan was scared of being in 'the here'.

Val and Atamai knew she would be

“Then... then I won't come anymore.” She said.

“For someone like you, once you come here you'll always come here whether you want to or not, it may not be every night, but here you will come.” Atamai said sadly.

“No.” Rowan began to sobbed “ What do I do then?”

“You stop your blubbering and learn to shield yourself you learn to fight.” Val spoke abrasively.

“But... but last time I woke up and my room was on fire, if I slept longer I'd be toast.” Protested Rowan

“Then learn to wake up.” Retorted Val.

“Silly Valor.” Wisteria's voice joined the conversation. “Valor comes in all shapes you know.” She said walking up, then looking at Rowan “But they are right we must teach you to be here and fight when you need too, here size doesn't matter unlike when you're awake, but skill is everything.”

Rowan was awakened by her Father in the morning.

“Rowan sweetheart, wake up.” he shook her gently 

Opening her eyes and looking up at her Father she had been in the middle of a lecture from her friends. 

“Daddy?” pale light was coming in through the window.

“Shh” he put his fingers to his lips then pointed at Jessique. “Come.” he motioned for her to follow him.

Rowan got up and followed him out of the room into the hall the floor was cold and she wished she'd put on her slippers. 

“Here.” Edwin whispered handing Rowan a little wooden box with a red ribbon.

Rowan grinned taking the box but then remembered yesterday her face fell “But Mother is angry, she doesn't want anything from me.” She sniffled 

“Oh Rowan your Mother was upset yesterday, the fired scared her and me as well, not everyone handles being scared well. Your Mother tends to be one of those that doesn't handle it very well.” He half lied 

Rowan look up at him and smiled. “You really think she'll like it?”

“It is beautiful of course she will.” He encouraged

Taking Rowan's hand he lead his daughter to their room and entered, Desdemona was already awake and sitting in the lounge chair doing some needle work, she barley looked up when they entered the room. 

Rowan fidgeted a moment until her Father gave her a slight push forward. 

“Mo.... Mother this is for you.” She said coming to stand before her Mother, holding out the small box.

“Oh, Thank you.” Said her mother taking the small box looking at it then placing it on the end table next to her.

“Dear, aren't you going to open it?” Edwin said from his place near the door.

Desdemona picked up the box and untied the red ribbon and opened the box reaching her delicate fingers into the small box and pulled out the necklace, the heart shaped ruby resting in a bed of platinum shaped ivy that she recognized as the healing herb elfroot, on either side of the heart two small diamonds all on a graceful platinum chain with a simple clasp.

“Thank you Rowan.” Desdemona's tone was almost flat.

“Would you like some help putting it on?” Asked her husband.

“No, I'm not wearing it.... er now that is.” 

“Rowan has been saving to buy it for you and all the children helped her pick it out.” Well the last part was a lie but he hopped that knowing Jessique was involved would get his wife to pay attention.

“Oh well its very..... nice. Thank you Rowan.” she said finally dropping the necklace on to the end table, part of the chain dangling off the edge.

“You don't like it.” Rowan's voice was shaky as she watched the chain swing 

“Rowan your Mother is tired I'm sure she love its. Right dear?” 

“Yes its been a long night with all our family coming.” Her Mother said this without taking her eyes off her needle point.

“I'm sorry.” Rowan said watching the chain slip a little from the table. “It was an accident.” 

Her mother stiffened at her daughters words “Yes you said that.” 

“I wasn't trying to start a fire or hurt anyone.” the chain slipped just a little further. 

“Yes dear.” The words sounded automatic as if she'd rehearsed them a hundred times.

“I'm sorry Mother, I love you.” Rowan replied still looking at the swinging chain.

“I know.” Was her mother's reply, the chain slipped some more and the necklace fell off the table and on to the floor with soft chink sound.

Rowan waited a little bit feeling her Father's hand on her shoulder. Edwin couldn't believe it, was his wife really perverse with curses as to think their third child a curse? All these years he'd been making excuses and now her superstitious ways had reached a new low.

Rowan bent down and picked up the necklace after some time. “Its ok that you don't like it. I know you don't like me very much. I just wanted to tell you I did.. like you I mean.”

Edwin gaped at his daughter she had felt this way this whole time and had bought her mother a gift in hopes that maybe, just maybe her Mother might like her a little bit. His heart shattered and rage filled him.

“Rowan... I..” He was trying to find words to mend this hurt for her.

Nodding Rowan moved to the door opening and then let herself out, she stood outside of her parents bedroom for a moment until she heard shouting from within her parents bedroom.

“What is wrong with you, she spent so much time working to earn that money and just as much time finding something we all thought you'd like and this.... this is how you treat her?”

“What she tries to burn down the house and I'm supposed to flip over for some cheap trinket?”

Rowan ran off letting her feet carry her out of the house she didn't know where she was going she just wanted to get away.

Back in the house her parent argued. “.... Cheap that is anything but cheap, it's platinum and with diamonds and ruby.”

“Well at least I taught her something.” 

“Are you kidding me I thought after she was born you were just scared to loose her, and after Edmond was born it seemed okay. I made. I MADE EXCUSES FOR YOU.” Edwin shouted at his wife.

“She's a third, number THREE all over the place but no you wanted her to stay. And so I played along, thank Andraste she sent Edmond and stopped her curse. But now its back why can't you see THAT!” 

“A child sent by the maker is not a curse, so she is our third and three weeks early there is something wrong with you if you think a number has any meaning as to use it to shun a child, and not just any child our child, your own flesh and blood.” 

“Ha she is nothing like our other children, they are pure they walk in the Maker's light. They'll see it.” Desdemona laughed.

“You've been trying to turn them against her, haven't you.” It was a realization and he felt sick he'd been blind this whole time. 

She had been so sweet all these years to him and until now he thought all their children, but worse he knew that if he had not hired Odelina, Rowan would not have made it through her first year. All this time he'd listen to his mother and brother “Sometimes a mother is so scared to loose her child that she doesn't want to bond with the babe.” they'd said that and so had the Revered Mother, Rowan was born so small and her cry so quiet it tired her little body out. He brought in a milk nurse maid because Desdemona had said her milk hadn't come it. Maker he'd been blinded by love.

“I loved you.” He said tears in his eyes

“Don't you see its her curse?” Was the only reply his wife gave as he walked out of their room.

Edwin walked across the manor, he could send Rowan with Odelina to Antiva to study or Orlais, maybe to visit the rest of the family in Rivain, but that last thought stopped him what if they thought like his wife, no not Rivain it was out of the question. Then another thought accord to him, if he sent Rowan away Desdemona would have full charge of their other three children she'd succeed in turning them against their sister. That's when he decided to put Odelina fully in charge of the children, their studies their schedule, chantry visits, everything. It was after all he realized now that Odelina that kept the children together and reported to him when something seemed wrong, he couldn't believe how blind he'd been about what Odelina would say about Desdemona and often times telling her to watch her words if the children hadn't been so fond of her, he would of let her go long ago. Now he owed her a debt he could never repay.

He stopped in front of the room his daughters were temporarily sharing and knocked letting himself in before there was an answers, Jessique sat up groggy rubbing her eyes, Rowan's bed was empty.

“Father?” Asked a sleepy Jessique.

“Jessi where is your sister.” He ask urgently looking around at the other wise empty room

“Hm.” She looked over to the bed Rowan had been sleeping in. “I.. I don't know.” She said perking up knowing from her Father's voice something might be wrong, she threw the sheets back and shivered at the cool air. “Is everything alright?”

“I...” He sighed “I need to find your sister.” He walked out into the hall with Jessique on his heels.

They caught Odelina coming up the hall. “Odelina have you seen Rowan?” Edwin asked his voice hurried. 

“No, isn't she in the girls room?” Odenlina asked confused 

“No, check the boys room, if she's not there check any other room she might be in. Yes? That's a good girl.” He said not waiting for an answer.

“Father where are you going?” Asked Jessique.

“I'm going to check her room in case she went there. Please won't you go check the kitchen?” He asked his oldest daughter. 

“Yes, Father.” Jessique ran off in the direction of the kitchens.

Soon the whole house had been searched, the guards had been roused and commanded to search the gardens and immediate grounds 

Edwin went to his room to change but not before stopping to ask for horses to be sattled.

“What's all the noise about.” Desdemona asked matter of fact as she was finishing her make up infront of the mirror. 

“Rowan is missing.” He spat.

“Oh, she'll turn up. You know how she is.” She said nonchalantly

How many times had he dismissed her saying things like that, it made him sick and disgusted with himself, and hatred started to grow for the woman he'd once loved.

“Least you can do is pretend to care, go put on a show for our guest.” He spat out.

He changed quickly and was out the bedroom door, he met the capitan of the guards on his way to the stables. 

“Anything?”

“No my lord. Should we get the mabaris?” 

Edwin stopped and looked at the man “Joseph what do you think?” 

“I think if she isn't on the estate grounds it would be a good idea.” 

“Get it done, are the men ready to go? Get me a trail get me something to follow.” He walked out side and to the stables.

“Bann Trevelyan! My Lord! Sir!” Rayla called out trotting over being followed by Bill

“Rayla what is it have you found her?” He asked hoping

“No my Lord, Bill said he may have seen her.”

“May have? Bill?” Edwin was exasperated

“My Lord I saw a small child running west, I can't see too well far off I thought I might be wrong but now I'm not so sure.”

Edwin bit his lip trying not to yell breathing in and out. It wasn't Bill's fault he couldn't see, he couldn't of know it was Rowan running off, because he had been to stupid to protect her, he breathed in deep when he answer his voice was even.

“West you say?”

“Yes my Lord.” 

“Rayla send word to my brother his property lies that way, I'll head to the west property and see if I can pick up anything.” 

Odelina was with the children in her quarters trying to keep them busy and out of the way. 

“Will they find her?” Asked Jessisque.

“Yes. Of course they will.” Replied Ambriel leaving no room for doubt.

“Why did she run off?” Jessique question Odelina. 

“I don't know child, your guess is as good as mine.” the nurse maid replied.

“I can't believe she'd do this.” Jessique stopped short of calling Rowan a brat.

She had called Rowan a brat in front of her Father and he had roared “Don't you ever call your sister that, those are your Mother's words and they are wrong.” He'd glared at her “Do you hear me?” she'd nodded and left to sit by Ambriel and cry silently. Their Father had never raise his voice at any of them and in the span of two days their Mother had struck Ambriel and Father had yelled at her, and it all started with Rowan lighting her room on fire. Jessique resented Rowan for all the trouble she was causing.

“Oh come now child, Rowan has many faults but she isn't one to purposefully worry everyone. You know she's always thinking about each of you. Making sure Eddy is having fun and included, or Ambriel with his work by encouraging him all the time, She makes sure you always have the best of the treats Jessique.”

Desdemona's Mother stroked her daughters hair mistaking her anxiety over her husband for worry over the missing Rowan. 

“Don't worry dear it'll all turn out fine, just watch.” Said her mother soothingly.

“I should go check on the children.” Desdemona stood up.

“No you just sit her with your sister. I'll go have a look at them.” She left her daughters.

Walking down the hall from what she remembered of the manor from her visit here last year making her way to the nurse maid's quarters. Knocking on the door and entering without waiting for a reply, the children were sitting silently at a table drawing, the four occupants in the room looked up at the visitor.

“Have they found her?” Ambriel jumped to his feet.

“No dear not yet.”

Ambriel slumped back down into his seat.

“You know Odelina, maybe a bit of fresh air will do the children some good, don't you think?” Suggested the Grandmother

“Yes, Lady Audino I believe you are right.” Odelina agreed “Come on lets go out for a bit shall we.” she said instructing the children.

The all stood up and followed Odelina and their Grandmother out to the garden there was a chill wind blowing. Outside Edmond quickly ran about and Ambriel followed him about, Jessique found some flowers to pick close to Odelina and her Grandmother who was visiting from Rivain for Wintersend and Rowan's birthday.

“Odelina does Rowan have a habbit of running off?” Asked Lady Audino.

“No ma'am Rowan isn't prone to taking off, she actually doesn't like people to worry so this is strange for her.”

“My daughter seems to think that Rowan is throwing a tantrum, and that she'll come back on her own.”

This somehow didn't surprise Odelina, when it came to Rowan her mistress seemed dismissive of her daughter, when Rowan was sick Odelina would have to suggest to her master to fetch the doctor or make sure Rowan was okay if she fell down. 

“She maybe in shock, it would be easier to think that, than to think Rowan might be in danger.”

“Yes that is true, but do you really think Rowan is in danger?”

“I don't think so but it looks like it might rain.”

Jessique looked up “I don't see any clouds Odelina.”

And Lady Audino agreed, it was Ambriel that answered their confused looks.

“The ants, they are beginning to cover their hill, they do that when they can sense the rains are coming, and the shut up their house.”

It was true the ant hill near by seemed busy shutting the entrance to their maze not spread out looking for all the things ants look for.

“Probably.” Answered Lady Audino, she had heard that before but never tried to see if it was true, who had time to watch ants anyway.

 

Near the border of the estates the dogs had picked up a trail again, Edwin and Alessander had trouble following the tracks they found, Rowan was small and light on her feet leaving very little to track. They were astonished how much ground she had covered, even if it had been hours since her disappearance if the tracks were to be believed she had maintained a nearly constant speed, they had wasted precious time searching the house and the immediate area. Edwin cursed at himself and at Bill, had he spoken up earlier they might have already found her, but he was getting on in age and his eye sight was starting to fail him.

The wind had picked up and brought dark clouds with it, Edwin hoped they would find her before the rains came.

“My Lord, the mabaris are having trouble keeping her sent. Its like it disappears and comes up else where.” one his soldiers told him

“Curse this wind.” Edwin said under his breath. “Keep at it!”

“Easy now brother we will find her.” Alessander assured his older brother. 

But before late afternoon the rains had come with fierce winds. By early evening the sent was washed out and so was what little trail they had, The dark clouds made it seem later than it was making it darker earlier, they dismounted and lead the horses on foot continuing the search.

“Edwin we should turn back. There isn't much we can do with all this rain and wind.” Alessander told his brother, he was the only one willing or able to say anything and survive Edwin's rage.

“No, I'm not leaving her out here alone we'll keep looking.” 

“We've lost the trail, its to dark to see with the rain and wind someone will get hurt, we can't help Rowan like this.”

“I'm not asking you to stay, just go.”

“Ed I don't know what your feeling, if it was Brazen out there I be going crazy out of my mind as well, but she's my niece and I love her too, she's a smart girl we've taught her well, you've taught her well. Trust in the Maker to keep her safe.” 

Edwin stared at his brother astounded that he would suggest abandoning his daughter.

“My lord your brother is right. Rowan knows how to keep warm and to take shelter, from her tracks she seems to be going round, for all we know she could be back at the at the estate or almost there.” Joseph interjected and quickly wished he hadn't.

Edwin's face had gone from astonishment to murderous Joseph involuntarily step back, Alessander step in front of Joseph ready to take the brunt of his brothers rage, steeling himself for what was to come. 

But it never came Edwin knew they were right his knees started to shake he tighten his grip on the horse to steady himself, the thought of abandoning his daughter out in this storm made his stomach turn, going on in this did no good. If it were any other child he'd have headed back shortly after dark in this storm and continued in the morning, getting someone hurt or worse helped nothing. 

Turning Edwin mounted his horse threw his hand up in a motion signaling round them up “Round them up.” he croaked, clearing his throat “Call it in, we'll start on the morrow.” he yelled.

Joseph and Alessander exchanged worried looks but did as they were instructed, a horn was blown and in the distance a horn answered then another further off. The men mounted their horses and head back. 

Alessander kept glancing at his brother whose face look as if made of stone, without knowing it his thoughts were the same as his brother's, last winter they had gone hunting in Markham a child had been lost just older than Rowan they had formed search parties and spent all day searching but as night fell and the snow came and after arguing with his brother to call off the search Edwin had finally given in. Edwin had been the one to tell the child's parents they would resume the search in the morning, the next day they found the little boy's body curled up near a log.

They rode in to the stables and Edwin immediately started spouting orders “Make sure the guards are doubled, keep all the outer torches lit, especially the ones on the upper wall.” Then under his breath, “Maybe they'll bring her home. 

The men started unsaddling their the horses giving them a quick rub down and some feed. Edwin was going throw the motions slowly.

“Ed let someone else get that, go inside and be with you wife and kids.” his brother said.

“No Ender I got this.” 

“Come on I'll ...”

“No!” then more softly “I said I got this.” 

The men looked and Alessander and he waved them off, nodding they all left the stables leaving them alone. 

“Edwin, I know we'll find her I promise.” He tried to sooth his brother.

“Alive?!” 

Alessander did not answer

“It's my fault, I.... I...” Edwin finally broke and cried

His brother embraced him. “No brother it wasn't your fault, Rowan is upset about the fire I kno...”

“No it wasn't that which upset her.” Edwin said melting into a near by stool “Her mother... I... we... I'm so foolish and blind....why couldn't I see it.....” he fumbled for the words to describe.

“Rowan!” Alessander froze looking out.

Edwin followed his eye to the entrance of the stables and outside, there standing ever so still was his daughter still wearing her night gown which was torn, dirtied and soaked through, her hair clung to her little frame, feet muddied and fist balled up. Edwin jumped to his feet and ran scooping her up in one swift motion carrying her into the house. 

“Get blankets! Start a Fire! Heat up water!” He shouted as he went.

Everyone jumped too, scurrying about to get blankets and clean clothes and hot baths and hot beverages. It was a whirl wind of activity. Edwin set her down on a chair grabbing one of the blankets Rayla brought over and wrapping Rowan kneeling in front of her and rubbing her arms to warm her up, when he'd picked her up she was ice how could it be possible she was colder than him to his touch, had he not been outside as well with Alessander.

“Rowan? Rowan honey look at me.” Her Father spoke gently

Rowan tilted her head slightly to look at him.

“Are you ok?”

She shrugged slightly but then nodded 

“Are you hurt?” It was rhetorical he could see all the cuts and bruises.

Rowan shook her head in reply 

“Where were you? We looked everywhere.” her Father asked again, though not really expecting an answer. So her answer was unexpected.

“Out at the woodsmen clearing.” Her voice seemed cold and far away.

Edwin look at Alessander questioningly.

“Rowan honey, we were by the clearing it took us over an hour to get back.... and we were on horse. Are you sure.” Asked her uncle

“Yes.”

“When did you come back?”

“When I heard the horns.”

“Where were you when you heard the sound of the horns?” Asked Edwin in case she was confused.

“At the woodsmen clearing.” she replied this time she sounded a little annoyed.

Rayla brought another blanket, and Edwin took off the one he'd put on her first as it was now wet, and replaced it with the new one, he picked her up and sat in the chair with Rowan on his lap. 

“Edwin honey here let me take her, you should go change. You're all soaked through.” Desdemona was handing her brother in-law handing him a blanket.

At his wife's voice he stiffened, some what shifting away from her as she reached for Rowan. 

“Daddy its ok, go get changed.” Rowan's spoke again but this time it wasn't cold.

She wiggle free and went to sit in front of the fire place.

Alessander had not missed that exchange between his brother and his sister in-law. “Go on Edwin, we'll watch her.”

Edwin nodded and went to change.


	7. Guarded

Rowan woke up from her dreamless slumber something she was grateful for, The light was streaming through the window it must have been mid morning she furrowed her eyebrows wondering why Odelina hadn't woken her up, her siblings had returned to their rooms but her room was still being worked on, was Odelina still getting them ready? But Odelina had obviously been here she'd left a pitcher of water, basin and towels, she'd also laid out her clothes.

She got up dressed and wash, opened the door to go to the dinning hall to see if anyone was there. 

“Good morning Rowan.” Said the voice next to her door making her jump.

She looked up at Joseph. “G...Good morning.” 

“You ready for some breakfast?” He asked brightly 

She nodded in response

“Come on lets go down to the kitchen.” He said gesturing her forward.

She frowned again but started walking to the kitchen

“The dinning hall has already been clean from breakfast, so Rayla said to come to the kitchen once you woke up.” He explained

“Where is Odelina?

“She's gone to town with your brothers and sister. You parents thought you should take it easy for today.” 

She nodded “Are my parents here?”

“Just your Father is, Your mother and some of the guest went to town as well for the celebrations.”

“But isn't Father participating in sword tournament?”

“He pulled out, he stayed up all night to keep watch over you.” He said softly.

The kitchen was stuffy and hot the servants were coming and going, Rayla spotted them and pointed to the kitchen table, Rowan went and sat down, Joseph went and stood just behind her. Rowan was used to having guards following her around if they went to town or were a certain distant from the house, but never in the house, Rayla came and put a plate of eggs and ham with a biscuit in front of her.

“Joseph am I in trouble?” She said turning to look at him.

Joseph exchanged looks with Rayla. “No Rowan, why do you think that?”

“Well I don't usually have a guard following me around the house and I know you have a lot of things to do, Father would not have you just watch me eat.” 

“Well no not usually, But since Odelina is out with your siblings and mother. Your Father asked me to keep an eye on you, Guess I don't make a really good nurse maid.” He chuckled.

Rowan nodded she knew her Father was scared she'd run off again but said “Would you like a biscuit?” then smiled.

“No thank you Rowan.”

“Would you like a biscuit Rayla?”

Rayla having realized she had been standing there watching the exchanged muttered something about having to get back to work and hurried off.

After Rowan had finished her breakfast Joseph informed her that her Father wanted to speak with her, why he didn't tell her before breakfast but she didn't feel like asking why he hadn't. Joseph lead her to her Father's office and knocked and waited to be let in, Rowan went in and Joseph shut the door behind her remaining in the hall.

Edwin got up from his desk and went around sitting in one of the chairs in front of his desk and motioning for Rowan to sit in the other chair.

“Rowan I know you were up set yesterday and that's why you ran away.....”

“I didn't run away I....”

Edwin held up his hand stopping her from continuing, Rowan began to fidget with the ornamental string on the front of her dress.

“Why you ran off then, I want you to know that things are going to change I should of seen things the way they really were long ago and for that I'm sorry...” His voice cracked “Just promise me one thing will you?” he said taking her little hand and rubbing the back of her hand with his thumbs.

“What?” Rowan would promise anything so as not to see her Father sad anymore.

“Promise you'll never run off like that again.....please.” His voice was soft and shakey.

“Yes Daddy, I won't do it again. I promise” She said shaking her head, she could do that.

“Thank you and I promise to take better care of you. All of you ok?”

Rowan nodded though she wasn't sure what he meant but he smiled and she didn't want to upset him by asking. He had dark circles under his eyes, his face looked more tired than she'd ever seen him before and stubble was growing on his face. She was mad at herself for making him and everyone else sad so she would keep her promise.

Edwin hugged his daughter tight, remembering how she looked last night standing out in the rain all muddied and wet, ice cold to the touch, she was so mall and so frail. He'd never allow his children's Mother to hurt the kids that way again.

The rest of the day Rowan spent in the play room Joseph still keeping watch over her, some of the guest came back from town, she kept to herself unless they came to the play room or went to greet them as requested by someone but then returning to the play room, she occupied herself playing quietly or reading.

Uncle Alessander came as well, him and Edwin questioned her again about where she'd been and when she started back, they didn't believe she had been that far and come back in that short of time on foot, though they didn't tell her out right, in the end the let her be chalking it up to her being disoriented by the darkness, the rain and the cold.


	8. The Tranquil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the wintersend celebrations the children speak to a Tranquil and mage.

“....You're still not concentrating directly.” Valor berated her

“I am, but how do I concentrate directly and to what.”

“Rowan directly to yourself, the more you can focus on your thoughts on your center the harder it will be for others to use what you desire or fear or angers you.” Atamai explained again.

“You said that, but what does focusing a center has to do with changing how people make things look?”

“You can't Change what they make you see but you can change how it affects you or how you allow them to see what affects you, you limit what they can use on you.”

“I....”

“Rowan time to wake up child, your Mother is on a war path today get up and don't cause trouble. Today.” Odelina was shaking her awake.

Rowan sat up like a bolt, by the look of the light coming into the room the sun was barely rising how could she be upset already? She new she hadn't don't anything, she hadn't seen her all day yesterday and stayed out of anybodies way as well.

“Come on Rowan get changed, Renek is outside waiting he'll take you to the breakfast table when you're done.”

“Why do I have a guard again?” She asked 

“I don't know you'll have to ask your Father that, now get ready.” Odelina said as she walked out of the room.

Rowan got up and got ready then Renek escorted her to breakfast, she sat next to Ambriel who didn't look at her neither did Jessique, other guest came in as the serving trays were brought in, Mother came in pleasantly talking to her sister, Rowan frown why had Odelina said she was on a war path. Then her Mother looked at her and their eyes met for a split second and Rowan understood, Odelina came in with Edmond placing him next to her and then siting next to him.

“How are you feeling today Rowan?” Ask her Grandmother.

“I'm good thank you. How was town yesterday.” She asked politely she could feeling everyone trying to avoid looking at her but stealing glances.

“Quite entertaining, you'll join us today I hope.” Replied her Grandmother.

Rowan didn't know if her parents would allow her out today, so she looked at Odelina who just nodded.

“I think so.” she answered.

“Yes Rowan will join the children today.”Her mother answered

Rowan didn't look at her Mother she could feel her eyes on her and for whatever reason they were burning with rage. Rowan wanted nothing more than to go back to her room and avoid everyone today.

After breakfast they all readied to leave, Joseph and Renek were to join them, Rowan knew that was on account of her, maybe that's why her mother was upset? She was taking up unnecessary people that could be needed or used else where. 

She was kicking herself for running off, why couldn't she have run to her room. If the walls hadn't felt like they were closing in on her that morning or wanted to be alone where no one would bother her for once, if she could only have stopped the splitting screaming in her head at the time that urged her to run. But running at the time was what made the ache in her chest feel better like she was leaping through wind and pushed forward like running didn't make her lungs burn, just cold air pushing her forward making her go faster it was exciting and for a short time made her forget.

While Rowan was in the woodsmen clearing she decided that she loved her Mother even though her mother didn't love her, she also decided she didn't need to like her mother or try to please her anymore, but today it was proving very hard not to try to please her so she wouldn't be angry, her first test and it was looking like she was going to fail.

The carriage ride but for Edmond would have been quiet and awkward, she sighed knowing her brother and sister were mad at her, she was perplex with whether she cared or didn't they were in equal measures just then.

Once they arrived at the celebrations things seemed to take a turn, her cousin, Uncle and his wife were there to meet them and in the afternoon their Father came to meet them. They went from performance to exhibits, watched the jousting, and got to see Osher and Brazen show off some horsemen skills in the junior league. They saw some of their friends from school who had already heard about Rowan going missing and being found, word traveled fast Rowan found out.

They saw quite a few people gathered around a stall so the kids begged Odelina go let them go see what it was about. She agree quickly as she too was curious. 

Templars were on either side of the stall with two more near the back behind those running the stall and one more across from the stall and Rowan suspected maybe more around some where near by. They were selling some enchantments, every couple of years the chantry would allow the sell of minor enchantments such as bed warmers you'd put that in on your bed during winter and you'd stay warm all night even if they fire in the fire place went out. Or light trinkets they were brighter than a candle and didn't get hot and were always one. 

“Maybe we should get you one of those.” Jessique whispered in her ear.

“And you the bed warmer.” She shot back and Jessique's cheeks turned pink.

The two behind the stall looked like mages by the robes they were wearing with the circle logo on them.

“That one is a tranquil.” she heard a boy say as he pointed to the man on the right he looked bored his partner was doing most of the talking and comparably was more animated. 

As she looked at him, he looked at her and their eyes met briefly and like before they were vast caverns of nothingness, they were dead, all the shine of life was gone.

“I hear they can't lie.” they boy went on 

“Where'd you here that?” another questioned

“From a templar of course.” was the reply 

The two people in front of Rowan moved and the tranquil addressed her, his voice was monotone all the emotion gone.

“Can I help you miss.” He said flattly 

“Is it true you can't lie?” Jessique's voice came from beside her obviously she had heard the boys to and decided to see if it was true.

“That is true.” he replied 

“How do we know that's true?” Asked the boy who had questioned the first boy.

“Ask the Templars. Now did you need anything?” he sounded bored 

So the boy asked the templar “Ser is it true tranquils can't lie?”

the templar looked annoyed “Why is that the question everyone asks? Yes it true now leave if your not buying anything.”

“Do you like being a mage?” Asked the first boy to the tranquil

“I am not a mage anymore, I am a tranquil.”

“He's been magically lobotomized.” The templar that had answered the first question said. “It's great.” 

The mage next to the the tranquil looked bothered by that statement but didn't say anything he just helped the next person.

“Hey tranquil how do you become a mage?” asked the second boy.

“You don't become a mage you are born one.” answered the tranquil 

“I hear you don't know your one till you're older.” said the first boy to the second boy.

“How old?” asked the second boy.

“Why were you made tranquil?” it was Brazen that asked 

“I tried to leave the circle, but they caught me.” 

“Why leave?” Rowan asked 

“At the time I thought being jailed for talents the maker gave me were unfair, but I can't remember why I thought that.” 

“But how old to become a mage?”

“You don't become a mage you are born a mage.” Said the tranquil again still sounding bored

“Yeah you said that.” said the second boy rolling his eyes

“What's your name?” Rowan asked the tranquil 

He blinked a few times “My name is Biron.” 

“And what is your name?” Rowan asked the mage.

It took a bit for the mage to realize that Rowan was speaking to him, no one outside the circle had ever asked or cared. “I... uh... my name... is Hameed. And yours?” 

“Hey now that's enough kids, if your not going to buy anything the people you're holding up are, its not a petting zoo move along.

“So they lock you up from birth if your a mage then?” Asked the boy.

Rowan turned to leave with her group when the answer came.

“No you find out if you're a mage when you have the dreams, demons speak with you make you think they your friend, or something scares you and you zap it with lightning or some other magic.” Answered the templar 

Rowan froze remembering the dream she had four nights ago she turned to ask 

“So what? You don't know till you zap someone?” asked the first boy before Rowan could

“No the dreams come first most kids ignore it till Zap! And then its to late” the templar laughed 

“Most kids don't know because no one tells them till its too late. Chantry should educate.” said the mage

“Come off it Hameed! Alright off with your kids.” the templar said again.

“come now Rowan you're holding everyone up.” Odelina herded them out of the crowd 

Rowan had gone numb what did this mean? She start walking with out looking or paying attention to where she was going until she felt a hand on her shoulder that spun her around.

It was Joseph “Where are you going there Rowan.... are you ok?” his face at first worried then it went blank. 

Almost as blank as a tranquil at this Rowan replayed everything that was just said again in her mind, and that made her head spin, her knees then felt shaky making her sway Joseph steadied her then signaled, Edwin, Alessander and Renek were there in a flash. 

“What's wrong?” Ask her Father kneeling before her and looked at her face which had lost all color.

“My stomach hurts.” She lied

“Renek go find the others we're leaving.” Her Father ordered.

“No Daddy its ok, I...” she stumbled “I just need a drink.”

“Rowan we're leaving.” Her Father said.

“No Daddy please I just want a drink.” she pleaded.

“Rowan... are.. are you sure?” He hated to give in but he also didn't want to over react. 

Rowan nodded

“Ok then lets get you a drink.” Turning to Renek “We'll stay only a bit longer so go find the other group and let them know ours will leave shortly, if they'd like they can stay longer.”

Renek nodded and was off into the crowd. A short time later the kids were sat on or around a bench they all got a cup of apple juice and a pastry, Rowan didn't eat hers and hardly drank anything. Ambriel was now worried Rowan never passed up on a sweet treat, the same thought passed through their Father's mind. They visited a couple more stalls then left.

Rowan thought the group would be upset but they weren't they were tried from yesterday as well as today's outing so cutting the trip short by an hour or two irritated no one.

Back home the kids went to play with their cousins and Rowan went and sat in her room. She was sitting on the bed with her back resting on the head board, and her legs tucked under, she was cuddling one of her dolls.

“I'm not a mage am I?” she asked herself

“Everyone has bad dreams that doesn't mean I started the fire.” She defended herself to the toys as she looked at them.

She knew she hadn't left a candle on and didn't think the small fire going in the fire place to warm the room at night would start such a fire, not only that but the fire started on her bed, the flames had only destroyed what was around her bed damaged the wall it was up against. And she had that dream where her fake Father was trying to get her, was he a demon? She'd have to ask Atamai and that's when the words came back to her “Demons pretend to be your friend.

“No they're not demons!” she said to the doll in her arms

But what if they were? And they were just waiting to get her and make her an abomination like in the stories Great Uncle Chadwick would tell. A soft knock came at the door and she looked up to see her Father poke his head through the door, she shifted uncomfortably hoping he hadn't heard what she was saying to her doll.

“How are you feeling?” He asked walking over to sit on the bed next to her.

She shrugged, Edwin felt her forehead she didn't have a fever. He should have had her stay home one more day.

“Maybe you should stay home tomorrow.” He suggested 

“No daddy, I want to go.” She wanted to ask Hameed and Biron more questions. “I just had a stomach ache I'm better now.”

“We'll see how you feel tomorrow ok?” Her replied.

Rowan nodded.

The next day her father decided that she should stay home, and any protest on her part were giving a sever look from both her parents. So she accepted and bid everyone farewell. Ambriel was talking to her again and promised to bring her something back.

She stayed home with Joseph guarding her again, she spent the day in their library searching for books on mages, when she didn't find anything she looked in the chantry section, she realized that what she called 'the here' was mostly like the fade from the small discription she found on it, why hadn't she realized earlier, she should pay more attention during seminary, she found very little on demonic possession other than they were bad and the only way to stop some one possessed was by killing them, nothing about talking to the people living in the fade or how to not get possessed. Sighing Rowan put her head down on the book

Joseph had been watching her quietly, Odelina hadn't been kidding when she said Rowan was a random child she had played quietly two days ago, and today she was looking through book after book.

“Searching for something?” He asked her.

She stilled Joseph had been quiet this whole time staying out of her way that she'd forgotten he was there.

“Uh just looking at books.” 

“I can see that but what are you looking for?” he said walking by her to look over her shoulder. “Demons? Why are you looking at that.”

“Well....” what should she say. “The templar said you have dreams and then you become a mage, but how do you know before that?”

“Rowan have you had dreams?” His face went blank again.

“No! But if someone does how do you now, I mean if you do I have dreams I'd want to know, I mean you could have dreams or Riel or.....” She gasped dramaticly “Eddy but instead of shooting lightning like the templar said you turn in to abomination like the book says, and then...” She made a croaking noise and drew her finger across neck throwing herself on to the book pretending to be dead.

“Whoa whoa slow down.” he put his hands up “First, I'm to old to have dreams and be a mage, you know when you're a kid....”

Rowan jumped up to stand on her chair. “I'm a kid! So are my siblings! And my cousins.” Gasping again “What if one of us is mage? Abominations every where!” she was over doing it she knew but maybe he'd think she was just being foolish and childish about hearing a story. 

Joseph chuckled Odelina's chat hadn't prepared him for this. “Um.. Rowan I don't think that's how that works. If caught in time no one turns into an abomination, the templars come and take you to the circle so you don't hurt anyone.”

“But if its not caught early do we just go around shooting light?” she hopped down from the chair ran around pretending to shoot lighting at things. “Do all us kids become mages or only half?”

Joseph was sorry he asked what she was doing, “Rowan usually kids are between 9 and 13 when they find out, its very rare for a kid to be your age and have dreams or magic.” 

Rowan sat on the floor thinking for a bit, he'd said rare so it did happen, so there was a chance she wasn't a mage, but she knew deep down that chance was minute. 

“The templar said they come to take you way, and that tranquil said he tried to leave.” Rowan said thoughtfully

“Yes they take mages to the circle to keep people safe, and they have to live there to keep everyone safe even them.” He replied 

Some how Rowan had talked him into playing outside with practice swords taking turns being mage and templar and battling it out. But he had to admit she was good and would grow up to be a fine swords woman even when they found a stick straight enough to be a mages staff after a few corrections from him she was quick and accurate like her brother, she kept Joseph on his toes so he wouldn't get any more bruises from her. At first he had figured she would be clumsy and like most kids just try to hit swords instead of actually attacking like a trained swords man which earned him a few bruises on his knees and had he not been wearing his chest plate his ribs.

After that he was glad when she decided to go back to the play room and play quietly by herself as he stood around watching over her.


	9. Odelina

“No Rowan we are spirits, there are demons and anyone one pulled over to your side can become a demon, your world can be confusing to us, most of us want to stay here. But that doesn't mean there aren't those that wish to enter your world.” Wisteria was explaining 

“How do I not hurt people? How do I stop doing magic?” Rowan asked

“You can't stop doing magic it is who you are, you don't have to hurt anyone if you don't want too.” Atamai said.

“Well five nights ago I almost burned everything.” She protested 

“Rowan that is why we are trying to teach you to center yourself, you must practice the separation of your body and here so as to not let your emotional state affect your physical form.” Atamai had already said that they seemed to be going in circles.

“Bah girl if you can not see what we're are talking about this is pointless, you either believe us and want to learn or we can leave.” Val said impatiently.

“Okay I will try it.”

 

Rowan woke up tired feeling as if she hadn't slept at all, so much for separation from her body. Atamai said she would always do magic, that meant the the templars would come and take her away and she'd never see her family again because then she'd be made tranquil for trying to leave to visit them. She sat in bed hugging her knees, would her father let the templars take her? 

Odelina came in “Rowan your awake?” she looked concerned “What's going on child you hardly talked to anyone last night, you didn't eat your pudding.... matter of fact Rayla asked if you were ill cause she hasn't seen you in the kitchen and no pastries have gone miss, and last night you didn't argue to get of of the bath, Now I know something is up.” She put her hands on her hips.

Rowan shook her head still hugging her knees, eyes stinging as she tried not to cry. If Odelina knew she was a mage she'd tell her Mother and Mother would get the templars. 

“Look child no one is angry with you for running away.....” 

“Why does everyone keep saying that I didn't run away....” Rowan protested

“Then what did you do?”

“I left, I was going to come back! Like when Father leaves and comes back or one of the servants.”

“Yeah you left, but if your Father hadn't found you, you'd be a soggy dead body.”

“He didn't find me I came back on my own, he was talking to Uncle Alessander when I walked up.”

Odelina had not known that, as a matter of fact most everyone assumed Edwin and Alessander went back out after the horses were put away to look some more and the found her.

“Why did you leave?” She asked, that too was a mystery 

Rowan reached over and took out the pendant that she'd given to her mother, the one that fell on the floor and that her Mother didn't care it had fallen. She'd picked it up and carried it all that day and put it in the drawer that night where it sat untouched for the last 5 days till now.

She held it up for Odelina to look at it, after seeing her quizzical look she said “I gave it to her that morning, she didn't like it, she doesn't like me.” Rowan started to cry.

“Oh now Rowan your Mother loves you.” Said the nurse maid coming to sit next to Rowan and holding her tight.

Rowan shook her head. “She called me cursed. She thinks I tried to burn the house with everyone in it.”

“No one thinks that.”

“Mother does! She doesn't believe it was an accident.” Rowan sobbed into Odelina's arms.

Now all of Rowan's behavior made sense, the child worked so hard to please her Mother and her Mother would not be pleased. Lord Trevelyan had put her in full charge of the children, and Lady Trevelyan had scream and berated her accusing her of sleeping with her husband. She'd gone to Lord Trevelyan to hand in her resignation, but he refused to take it offering more money and promising to keep his wife away from her. 

This explained why Rowan had a guard it wasn't so she wouldn't run off again, it was to keep her Mother away. She had considered waiting till after Rowan's birthday to leave as Desdemona was making it difficult for her to continue her duties, using the other servants to interfere in anyway possible, saying degrading things when she thought no one was around. Now she knew she couldn't leave. 

“Rowan listen.” Odelina lifted Rowan's chin so she looked at her “You are not cursed, and I know you didn't try to burn down the house it was and accident your Father knows that too. Your Mother is wrong, you pay her no mind.”

Rowan nodded and sniffed Odelina's words made her feel a little better.

“Now you dry those tears, get dress and lets get you some food.” Odelina said wiping Rowans tears.

Odelina left Rowan to get ready and she went to go check on the other children on her way down the hall she had to stop and take a few breaths to stop herself from crying “Maker give me strength.” 

Rowan went down for breakfast and Jessique was sitting in her seat Rowan frowned and sat next to her sister Odelina came in with Edwin and sat next to him, the guest came in then her Mother who saw the new arrangement and gave Odelina and ugly look, but didn't say anything, soon after her father came in. People talked and as far as Rowan knew no one thought anything was amiss.

The rest of the day she spent with her cousins and siblings playing, Odelina kept an eye on the children while looking at the schedule their Father had given her to look over and work to rearrange where needed, she started with canceling the tutor for chantry studies for Rowan, she also canceled two lessons from Jessique's schedule, she didn't need violin, cello and harpsicord lesson all in one day, she also requested an art teacher for the children and left out the second history of the chantry, one lesson was well enough. This now gave Jessique more time with her siblings unlike before where she was kept away from them as much as possible, the kids could have art lessons together, and she had the perfect tutor in mind for it, that would make it fun and allow them to work together, she switch Edmond's day as well to have one tutors that taught him his subjects instead of four. 

She knew that this would enrage Desdemona and was trying to mentally prepare for it. She turned in the new schedule after lunch and the response she got from Edwin gave her courage to continue her knew position as Governess of the children. 

After the Family feast in which Rowan and Odelina both got death stares from Desdemona but other wise came through it unscathed they sat about while the children went to the play room. Rowan had fallen asleep in one of the chairs, Desdemona came and picked her up.

“My Lady I can take her to her room.” Said Renek.

“Non sense Renek I'm her Mother, you think I can't take my own daughter and tuck her into bed?”

“Um no ma'am its just you have guest, your husband order to not disturb you with the children so you can focus on the guest.” 

Desdemona smiled a sickly sweet smile. “My children are always important.” She pushed past him with a sleeping Rowan in her arms.

Renek followed as he'd been instructed to not leave Rowan no matter who was with her, but he did stop outside the room and stood guard the entrance.

Inside Desdemona put her on the bed and shook her daughter wake, Rowan realized by the look on her Mother's face that she was in for it and sat up at once. 

“You think you've won don't you?” Desdemona hissed

“Mother?”

“Oh I don't know how or what you're doing but I'll stop you.”

The way her mother said that made Rowan move up toward the headboard. Her Mother reached over and grabbed her wrist twisting it. 

“You should have stayed gone.” Her mother's voice was low and dangerous.

“Ow that hurts.” 

Then the door opened and there stood Odelina “Lady Trevelyan your guest are missing you.” 

“They can wait.” Her mother spat, not letting go of Rowan's wrist.

“Your husband is also looking for you.” Odelina stated as a warning to the woman before her.

It worked Desdemona let go of Rowan pretended to tuck her in and kissed the top of her head then whispered “Sweet dreams cursed one.” then she was gone.

As soon as the door closed Rowan broke down and cried for the second time that day in Odelina's arms. Odelina let her Father know about what had happened and Edwin promised to take care of it. 

The following week the children had only two lesson in the morning and the rest of the day free to spend with the visitors, Rowan was more subdued than even Joseph who up till recently didn't spend time with the children other than watching them as he did his job on the estate knew that something was wrong, but let Odelina handle it.

But he worried as Lord Trevelyan had order to be informed as soon as Lady Desdemona got to close to Rowan or any of the other children, what did that mean? 

Edwin planed on letting the captain of his guards know while Desdemona went to visit her family after Rowan's birthday celebration, he also planned on letting go some of the staff and hiring new people, as he'd seen how Desdemona was using certain staff members to harass Odelina, she would also send them as distractions to keep Jessique alone with her which worried him. 

Desdemona had come to him in his study and stated she would be going to Rivain for a visit and taking the children, He had smiled stating he thought that her going would be a good idea and walked out with her in tow as he spoke, he soon found his mother and father in-law in the drawing room and stated what a good Idea it was but the kids couldn't go as Jessique already had an invite with her cousin Osher and Ambriel was participating in chantry community service, Rowan and Edmond he flat out said no that they were too young, and stated that Desdemona was over joyed to go and take a break from all the stress for a while, then he turned and left before anyone could say to the contrary.


End file.
